


we can be a three-child mothering team

by queenC_13



Series: you became my family [1]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Family Feels, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24636070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenC_13/pseuds/queenC_13
Summary: "You won’t be a single mom, you have me. We can be like a three-child mothering team." What if Judy's pregnancy test turned positive was a real positive and she was truly pregnant?
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Series: you became my family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2071335
Comments: 300
Kudos: 476





	1. Six Weeks

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from hudyjale 's fic "What If?" (I don't know how to link but check it out!) and I wanted to explore the same idea but from the very start of Judy finding the pregnancy test with a positive and then having it confirmed. 
> 
> (The very beginning is dialogue taken from the show, the rest is mine)

“Jen! _Jen_!” Judy screamed from the guest house as she looked at the pregnancy test—now showing two clear lines. Jen ran into the guest house from the kitchen and Judy thrust forward the test. “Is it?”

“Yeah, it is,” Jen said, a bewildered look on her face.

“It’s positive right now, right?”

“ _Yeah_ , it is. Holy shit.”

“And that’s two lines, not one, right?” Judy pushed.

“Yes, clearly, yes!”

“Clearly,” Judy echoed. “God do you know what this means?”

“Yeah,” Jen said. “That I’m the asshole who bought you the cheap test.”

“Yeah, who buys the store brand? I thought you were my friend.”

“Who cares, you’re pregnant!”

“Oh my God,” Judy said.

Jen looked at the clock, seeing it was just after 11pm. “Okay, first thing in the morning we’re going to the doctor to get an official test.”

Judy nodded, her eyes welled with tears. Jen grabbed her hand, causing Judy’s eyes to snap to hers. “It’s okay,” she said. “Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?” 

She wasn’t sure what made her say it—she hadn’t slept in the same bed with anyone since Ted died (barring the nights when Henry snuck into her bed in the early morning hours). But she could tell that Judy needed it; while Judy was always the one comforting her, this was Judy’s one wish—her 3 minutes of hope actually coming true. 

Judy just nodded again. Her eyes were now locked back onto the pregnancy test. Jen looked around and saw a robe laying on the bed, so she grabbed that for Judy to sleep in and then took Judy’s free hand in hers and gently led her back into the main house and upstairs to her room, shutting off the lights as she went. She shut the door to her bedroom, and then led Judy to her en suite bathroom and held out the robe, which finally caused Judy to come back to attention. 

“Do you want me to put on Facts of Life?” Jen asked.

Judy smiled, “Of course.” She shut the door to the bathroom so Jen took the time to quickly grab a worn T-shirt and pajama pants to put on before Judy was done changing herself. She hesitated before pulling back the covers on her usual side of the bed and taking the remote off her bedside table to turn on the TV. 

Judy exited the bathroom, no longer holding the pregnancy test but her face still held a touch of shell-shock. Jen’s heart started beating faster at the sight of Judy in her silk robe and it almost felt like her palms were starting to sweat. _What the fuck_ ? she thought. _It’s just Judy, calm down_. She mustered up an encouraging smile and patted the empty space next to her.

“Come on Mama,” she said, causing Judy’s eyes to start welling with tears once again. “Oh, Jude…”

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Judy said as she climbed under the covers next to Jen. “I just can’t- what if it’s really not true?”

“Then I’ll be here for you,” Jen said. 

“But what if it _is_ true?”

“I’ll still be here,” Jen said. “Come here,” she said, putting her arm around the other woman and pulling her into her side. It felt surprisingly nice to have Judy pressed against her; soft where Ted was always hard, and smelling faintly of lavender and incense. She looked down and saw that Judy’s eyes were shut. She hoped that Judy couldn’t hear how fast her heart was still beating. 

_You won’t be a single mom, you have me. We can be like a three-child mothering team._

Jen meant it when she said that to Judy—she just really wanted, _needed_ , this pregnancy to work out for her friend—her best friend. Judy was the nicest fucking person in the world and the only person Jen could truly think of who actually deserved to be a mother. Obviously Jen never prayed, but that night she sent up all the wishes and hopes that she could.

It took a while for them both to fall asleep, both laying in a comfortable silence. Occasionally Judy would whisper, “It’ll be okay, right?” and Jen would say, “Of course it will.” She never let go of the other woman, letting Judy rest her head on her chest the whole night.

It was weird, but it was also… really nice. 

Which Jen didn’t want to think about.

So she just waited until eventually they both must’ve fallen asleep, when all too soon her alarm was going off. 

They must have shifted at some point during the night so that Jen was now spooning Judy with their legs all tangled together. Her nose was buried in Judy’s hair and her arm was resting softly on Judy’s robe, right on her stomach. At the sound of the alarm they both stirred, and Judy turned around to face Jen before either could take real stock about the position.

 _She’s beautiful,_ Jen thought, startling herself at the quickness of it. But Judy was—she was sunshine itself, and she had a soft smile on her face as she looked at Jen in the morning light. 

“Hi,” Judy whispered.

_Fuck. She’s so cute._

“Hey,” Jen croaked back. 

It was starting to get intense, looking at one another while Judy was an inch from her fucking face so Jen started to untangle herself from the other woman and got out of the bed. “If we move quickly we can get to the doctor right as it opens,” she said, prompting Judy to get out of the bed as well.

At the reminder of what was happening this morning Judy suddenly grabbed her stomach and then ran for the en suite bathroom where Jen could hear her emptying the meager contents of her stomach. Slowly she followed, not quite sure if Judy would want her in there or not. Eventually, though, her ‘motherly’ instincts won out, and she pushed open the door to see Judy with her cheek resting on the toilet bowl and her eyes shut, a few tears leaking out.

“Hey, hey,” Jen said, crouching down and rubbing Judy’s back. “It’ll be okay, right?” At Judy’s slight nod, Jen asked if she felt okay to get up and then she grabbed a spare toothbrush from a drawer and held it out to Judy. “Come on Mama, let’s get moving.”

Judy’s eyes lit up slightly at the re-emergence of the nickname, and Jen vowed right then to continue using it—she would do anything to keep making Judy happy.

 _Gross_.

Twenty minutes later they were in the car on the way to the doctor. Judy’s leg started moving rapidly up and down as she also began tapping her fingers on the arm rest between the seats. Without thinking, Jen grabbed Judy’s hand with her right, and put them both on her lap as she kept driving with her left hand. 

She ignored the look that she knew Judy was giving her, but she did squeeze Judy’s hand quickly.

All too soon they were at the office and Judy took Jen’s hand again after they exited the car—Jen could feel Judy’s hand trembling slightly, so she let go of Judy’s hand to instead wrap her arm around the other woman’s back. She stood there practically holding Judy up as she talked to the receptionist and stated why she was there, and then sat down next to her as Judy filled out the necessary paperwork. She checked her phone while they were waiting and didn’t even realize the doctor was ready until she felt Judy stand up quickly next to her.

Jen stood up in turn, unsure if Judy wanted her to come with her into the exam room or not. She gestured to the seat behind her, “Should I-?”

Judy just shook her head, eyes wide, and grabbed Jen’s had once again. “I need you,” she said.

And Jen didn’t really know how to do this—how to be the supportive friend—but continuing to hold Judy’s hand felt nice, so that’s what she did, only breaking physical contact when Judy had to go provide a urine sample for the doctor. 

Eventually all the necessary tests were done and it was just the two of them alone, waiting for the doctor to come back with the results.

“What about Jane?” Judy said suddenly, breaking the silence. “If it’s a girl? I kind of like the idea of keeping a J name.”

“Judy and Jane,” Jen said.

“And Jen!” Judy pointed out, and Jen wrinkled her nose. “Maybe not, then,” she said. 

“Well it doesn’t matter what I think, Jude,” Jen said.

Judy smiled, “Of course it does. You’re my co-parent.”

And… _oh_. If that didn’t make Jen feel something as well. _What the fuck is going on_.

But before she could dwell on it too much the doctor came back in, causing Judy to start squeezing the life out of Jen’s hand.

“Congratulations,” the doctor said with a smile. “You’re pregnant.”

Judy burst into tears and it was all Jen could do to pull her into her arms and choke back some tears herself. _Yes_. This is what Judy deserved—and Jen was going to do everything in her power to make sure that this pregnancy succeeded. She half listened as the doctor talked to Judy about this being a high-risk pregnancy—no high stress, plenty of vitamins, plenty of rest—and made plans in her head about how to help Judy follow through with the directions.

“I would say you’re about 6 weeks along,” the doctor said. “I know last time you made it just past 20 weeks, so we’re going to want you to come in every 2 weeks instead of just at 12 and 20, but right now all of your vitals look good so we have no reason to believe that this one can’t be successful.” She congratulated Judy again before leaving her and Jen alone in the room once more.

Judy turned to Jen with the biggest smile Jen had seen on her to date, her face streaked with tears.

“Well, congratulations Mama,” Jen said. “You did it.”

“I’m pregnant,” Judy said in wonder.

“Yes you are,” Jen said. “And we are going to make damn sure we keep it that way, got it? I will be here every step of the way. I promise.”

And then she leaned in to hug Judy, missing the smile slide off her face and guilt taking over her expression instead.


	2. Seven Weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post Judy's confession about Ted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This doesn't really address the pregnancy aspect, but it kind of ties up the end of s1 in my own version of events! I've also bumped up the rating due to language.

_I hit him_.

The words echoed in Jen’s mind as she drove down the road, no destination in mind. She had to get out; had to leave before she did something she regretted. She knew she hit Ted (just that one time) and she’s not a physically violent person but what the _fuck_. How could Judy be the person who both ruined her life and saved her life? How could Jen hate her and love her so much at the same time?

_Fuck._

Jen also hated that she was worried about Judy, like seriously, what the fuck was that about.

Judy just admitted to _murdering Jen’s husband_ and Jen was still worried about her, about how this stress might be affecting the baby.

 _“FUCK_ ,” she screamed, swerving to the side of the road and braking harshly. Her breaths started coming out in sharp, short gasps and she could feel the tears coming. These breathless, aching sobs were nothing new to her, but Judy being the cause of them was something Jen never expected. She was supposed to be the one with the power to hurt Judy, not the other way around.

And what the fuck was she supposed to do now? She promised Judy she would be there for her, for her baby.

And she knew that Judy meant it when she said she loved her. When she said that Jen was her _family_.

But it didn’t excuse the fact that Judy was a murderer.

Judy, the human personification of sunshine, a murderer.

It didn’t make any sense.

Judy said she didn’t know why she didn’t stop, but Jen couldn’t stop going back to it—Judy should have stopped. The Judy she knows _would_ have stopped. So why didn’t she stop?

It was this pressing question that caused Jen to start her car back up again, making a wide U-turn in the empty road and heading back towards her house. She had left right after Judy’s confession, not even saying anything as she went. She hadn’t grabbed her phone or her purse on her way out—she just took her keys and left.

She pulled up to her house, parking haphazardly in her driveway and only just remembered to shut the car door behind her. She went through the gate into the backyard and saw the empty wine glasses still sitting on the end table between the lawn chairs. She made her way to the guesthouse, but it was empty—where the fuck was Judy?

She went back into the main house where all the lights were still on but it was quiet—she went up the stairs and checked to make sure that Henry was still sleeping. As she looked down the hallway she could see the light spilling out from the bottom her own bedroom door—Judy had been sleeping in Jen’s room more often in the last week or so since her doctor’s appointment. Jen knew that Judy was afraid to be alone; was afraid that something might happen to the baby during the night. So she let Judy sleep next to her, often holding her just like she did that first night, giving her whatever comfort she could provide.

Now, Jen couldn’t help the wave of rage that washed over her once more at the thought of opening the door and confronting Judy.

She still couldn’t believe that this woman that she had let into her life (and her heart) was a fucking murderer.

But she had to go in, had to confront her. She had to know what really happened, because she just couldn’t believe Judy’s story, couldn’t believe that she just didn’t stop.

Finally she moved down the hall and slowly opened her door, stopping at the sight in front of her. Judy was curled up in the corner of the room with her head on her knees and the green baby blanket clutched to her chest, her whole body uncontrollably shaking with sobs.

And even though Jen hated her—still loved her but also hated her in this moment—she also felt her heart breaking at the raw pain in front of her.

“ _Judy_ ,” she said, before she could stop herself, her voice breaking slightly.

The woman in question picked her head up with a gasp, her face blotched red from crying so hard. “Jen,” she sobbed, “I’m sorry- I just wanted- I didn’t think-“ She scrambled to get up “I’ll go now, it’s okay, I’ll go.”

As she got closer Jen grabbed her arm, forcing Judy to stop and look at her.

“Why didn’t you stop?” Jen asked.

“I already to-told you, I don’t know,” Judy choked out.

Jen shook her head and grabbed Judy’s arm. “No. There’s no way you don’t fucking know. You have to know why you didn’t go back after you killed my husband.”

“I don’t-“ Judy’s eyes glazed over at the motion and she flinched back, slightly.

And it was the flinch that did it, that made Jen realize what must have happened. _Fucking Steve_.

“He didn’t let you, did he?”

Judy shook her head, mouth opening and closing without a sound.

“Judy,” Jen pressed. “It was Steve wasn’t it? He didn’t let you go back? What did he say to you? What did he do?”

“No- it was me,” Judy pressed weakly.

“For _fucks_ sake Judy, I know that you wouldn’t do that. I _know_ you! Just tell me what he fucking said to you!”

Judy was crying again, silently this time, the tears just running down her face as she continued shaking her head. She brought her hands up to her face and grabbed her hair, pulling it violently and then banging the side of her head with her fist. “Stupid, stupid, stupid” she started muttering.

“Judy, what the fuck? Judy- Judy stop!” Jen tried to pull Judy’s hands away from her own face before she did any real damage but _God_ the other woman was strong as she resisted.

“Stop it stop it _stop it!_ ” Judy finally yelled out. “It was me, I’m the idiot. I was driving- I was stupid- stupid, I couldn’t drive!”

“Jude, hon, you’re not making any sense, okay? Let’s calm down, come on.”

And how fucked was it that Jen was the one comforting Judy now—Jen’s husband was the one who got murdered but she still couldn’t stand to see Judy hurting, and hurting herself.

Suddenly a voice came in through the open bedroom window: “Judy!”

 _Fucking Steve_.

“Judy where the _fuck_ are you? I swear to God Judy when I get my hands on you-“

Judy herself was standing there, looking for all the world like a statue—her face frozen, petrified, truly telling Jen all she needed to know.

“Stay here,” she ordered, grabbing Judy’s shoulders at lightly as she could while still putting enough pressure to make the other woman look at her. “No wait, go to Henry’s room, make sure he doesn’t wake up—if he does, keep him safe. Do _not_ leave the room until I come get you. Okay? I am dealing with this.”

She didn’t leave any room for protests as Steve’s shouts and threats outside started getting louder. She guided Judy down the hall to Henry’s room (where he was still asleep, thank God) and praised whatever was out there for the fact that Charlie was still at Lorna’s. She put her hands on Judy’s cheeks, forcing eye contact even though Judy was clearly still terrified and unstable. “I mean it,” Jen said. “Stay. Here.”

She moved as quickly as possible downstairs and to the backyard where it looked like Steve was trying to ransack the guesthouse.

“Excuse me, you’re trespassing on private property,” Jen said, causing Steve to whirl around on her.

“Where is she, huh? Where’s that sneaking little bitch?”

And _fuck_ if Jen didn’t hate him. She was mad at Judy—fine, she had reason to be. But where did anyone else get off on calling Judy a bitch? Especially knowing that he was the real reason her husband was dead.

And there it was.

Judy didn’t kill Ted—not really. Yes, she was physically driving the car, but Jen knew that it never would have happened if not for Steve, knew that Judy would have done the right thing and called the cops even if it had happened without Steve.

But she also knew that Steve was abusive. He was a manipulative bastard underneath the charming smiles, and he had Judy under his thumb. Like Jen had told Judy after the pregnancy test—he was a drug to Judy, and she couldn’t help being under his control. It was clear that Steve was verbally abusive and controlling, but based on the way Jen had seen Judy flinch before at loud noises or sudden movements (including at Jen herself only minutes prior), it wouldn’t surprise her if he had been physically abusive as well. And that made Jen even angrier.

And an angry Jen was _not_ someone Steve wanted to be dealing with right now.

“I _said_ , you’re trespassing on private property,” Jen repeated. She was standing in the doorway to the guesthouse with her hands on her hips, her body taught with tension. “Now get out of my house before I call the cops.”

“I’m not leaving until I talk to Judy,” Steve sneered, getting right up to Jen’s face. “Now tell me where she is. I need to deal with her.”

Jen scoffed, “You need to _deal_ with her? So first you trespass, and now you’re making threats on someone? The cops sure will have a field day with this one.”

“Listen here you little cunt, I don’t care what you think you’re doing here. Trying to be all big and tough without a real man around the house? How about I show you a real man.”

Their faces were a mere inch apart and Jen was fighting to keep her composure, seething at his words. But she knew that she needed to—for Judy. Because there was no fucking way he was coming anywhere near Judy _ever_ again.

“Get. Off. My. Property,” she said.

Somehow he got even closer and grabbed her arm, squeezing hard enough that there was sure to be a bruise later. “You think the cops will listen to you? A crazy widow hiding a crazy murderer? Because the woman you’re trying to protect? Is the one who killed your husband. So, you still feel like protecting her?”

“Judy didn’t murder my husband,” Jen bit out. “It was your fault she hit him. It was _your_ fault she didn’t stop and call for help. You’re the murderer here,” she said lowly.

Steve let out a harsh bark of laughter.

“You really think that? Because from where I was sitting in the car, your husband jumped in front of us. He was trying to kill himself because he couldn’t stand living with you, you crazy bitch. And pretty soon Judy will tire of you too—an old widow? Or the rich guy who can give her everything? You’re just a pathetic, washed up woman. So how about you save us both the trouble, and just tell me where the fuck Judy is.”

And Jen had tried, really tried, to keep it together. But she couldn’t anymore. Suddenly the rage overtook her and it was like there was a veil over her vision and someone else controlling her body. She flew forward with a shriek, pushing Steve with all of the power she had in her body, knocking him off balance. She could see her hands flying forward, punching him, hitting him; felt as he shoved her back and backhanded her hard across the face. The pain caused her to stop for a split second before the second wave of rage hit and she shoved him again, harder this time. Only this time he fell completely, and she watched, almost in slow motion as his head caught the corner of the safe holding Ted’s gun. There was a violent crunching noise and then a bloom of red spreading beneath him. His eyes were open, but he was suddenly still.

He was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....... so, thoughts?


	3. Seven Weeks (con't)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have NO clue if I'll be able to maintain these quick updates, but for now I'm feeling the inspiration so enjoy!

“Jen?”

 _Fuck_.

Jen whirled around, quickly trying to shield Judy from seeing Steve’s body.

“I thought I told you to stay inside?” she hissed.

“I heard shouting and then… it was quiet, I was worried,” Judy said. Her face was still swollen from crying, and Jen could see that her hands were shaking. “What’s- is Steve-?”

Jen tried to move forward to usher Judy out of the guest house, but in doing so it put Steve’s body right in Judy’s line of sight. Judy’s mouth dropped open and a gasped “ _Steve_ ” fell from her lips; her legs buckled and Jen quickly had to step forward to catch her.

“Jen- what did you- what did he-“ Judy stuttered. She looked up into her friend’s face, pleading (for what, Jen didn’t know)—“ _Jen_.”

Panicking, Jen pulled Judy into her chest, rocking her back and forth with a slightly maniacal rhythm. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” She wasn’t sure if she was talking to Judy or herself. 

Judy looked up into Jen’s face and gasped again, quickly raising her hand to Jen’s cheek. She touched the skin under Jen’s eye, causing her to flinch away in pain—fuck, she had forgotten about that.

“He hit you?” Judy croaked out.

“I’m sure you’re familiar with the feeling,” Jen snapped back, immediately feeling guilty when the words caused Judy to look down, doing a great imitation of a kicked puppy. “I’m sorry—I- yes, he hit me. He was… he was looking for you. He threatened- and I- well… and then he tripped. He tripped and-“ she couldn’t finish.

“We have to call the cops,” Judy said. Jen started shaking her head before Judy even finished. “I’m serious, Jen.” She sat up, her eyes drifting behind Jen for a moment before flinching back. “It was self-defense. I mean, you have the bruise on your face to prove that _he_ attacked _you_. It was an accident.”

Jen was still shaking her head, lightly, but… Judy had a point. Cops might be trash and rarely take the word of the woman, but if she called Detective Perez…

“We’ll tell the cops that he did it,” Jen said.

“What?”

“He killed Ted,” Jen said. “We tell the cops that he came here looking for you, threatening you, and that when I wouldn’t tell him where you were he got violent. Then he tried to tell me that I shouldn’t trust you anyway because you knew the truth… and the truth is that he’s the one who killed me husband.”

“Jen…”

“I pushed him to get him away from me, and he tripped and fell. That’s what happened,” Jen said.

Judy was staring at Jen with an expression almost like wonder, so intense that Jen had to look away so she didn’t have to think about how it was making her feel.

“You don’t have to say that,” Judy finally said. “You should tell them that it was me. You shouldn’t lie about that.”

Jen took a deep breath before looking back into Judy’s eyes, wanting Judy to really hear what she was saying. “It’s not a lie,” she said. “I know that Steve is the reason you didn’t stop. I know that he abused you. I know that the accident wouldn’t have happened without Steve so yes, he is the one who killed my husband and that is what I’m telling the cops. It’s _not_ a lie,” she reiterated while grabbing Judy’s hand.

And it’s not like Jen forgave Judy—not yet. But she also believed what she was saying. Steve Wood was the reason that her husband was dead. As far as Jen was concerned, the only thing Judy did was lie to her, and that was the real root of her anger. But she would learn to forgive Judy—if not for herself, then for the baby. Because Judy _needed_ to be able to carry this baby to term, and she needed Jen’s help to do it.

Judy just looked at her for a moment before nodding once. “Okay,” she said, so soft Jen almost didn’t even hear it.

So they called the cops.

It was a fucking nightmare, like Jen expected, but she knew that it was the right decision to call Detective Perez directly. She took one look at Jen’s bruised cheek and eye that was now nearly swollen shut, Judy’s pale face and shaking hands, and then the body on the floor, and just let out a sigh before letting Jen tell her what happened. There were other officers taking pictures of the scene while Perez just listened, not asking any questions while Jen was talking. Then when Jen was done she simply said, “Okay,” and shut her notepad.

“Okay?” Jen said. “Okay as in…?”

“Okay,” Detective Perez said. “You’re done.”

“That’s it? You’re not taking us down to the station?”

“Do you feel like you _need_ to go to the station?”

Judy shook her head quickly with wide eyes, “No, thank you,” she finally spoke up, having been silent through Jen’s explanation.

Jen was still incredulous. “But-“

“I’m going to be frank with you, Ms. Harding,” Detective Perez interjected. “I do not want to see either one of you again. If this man is the one who murdered your husband and is unable to confess that himself, and you’re willing to drop the harassment of myself and the precinct in finding him, then I am all too glad to be done. So yes, that’s it. Unless either one of you needs medical attention?”

Jen snuck a quick glance to Judy, eyes dropping down to the other woman’s stomach, but she knew that adding _that_ information would just complicate things so after a moment they both seemed to come to the same conclusion and shook their heads at the same time.

“Great,” Detective Perez said. “My team will take the body with them and I’ll call you if for some reason I need more from your statements. But I sincerely hope that I never have to talk to either one of you again for any reason. Do I make myself clear?”

The women nodded.

“Goodnight.”

She left the two women standing there silently; after a beat, Jen let out a bark of a laugh, which quickly spiraled into hysterical laughter. She could feel everyone looking at her but she couldn’t stop. How was this her life? She just accidentally caused the death of the man who caused the death of her own husband, while she was defending the honor and life of the woman who _actually_ killed her husband, whom she was also planning on helping to raise a baby with.

Seriously, what the fuck was her life.

Judy grabbed her hands and led her into the main house, stopping within the kitchen doors. She stared at Jen with a slightly bewildered expression but didn’t say anything as she just let Jen ride out the laugher.

“I’m sorry,” Jen finally said. “I really don’t know what came over me.”

Judy nodded, stiltedly.

“Let’s go to bed.”

Without waiting for a response she grabbed Judy’s hand back and led her upstairs. She had no idea how Henry had slept through all of the commotion, but she wasn’t going to jinx her luck by peeking back into his room to find out. She walked quickly past his bedroom door until her and Judy were back in her own bedroom. She let go of Judy’s hand to shut the door and only when she turned around did she realize that she had no idea what to do now.

Before this, it was normal for Judy to come to her room with her to sleep.

But now?

This shit was too complicated to sort through.

Jen knew she didn’t hate Judy, but she also didn’t know _what_ she was feeling.

Mostly, she just wanted to sleep.

So she moved forward, opening her dresser drawer to grab her pajamas on the right side and the giant t-shirt of hers that Judy had taken to sleeping in on the left side—she hesitated only for a moment before turning around and holding it out to the other woman.

Judy still didn’t seem to know what to make of the situation, so she simply took the clothes without a word and they got ready for bed like it was a normal night. Judy changed in the bathroom while Jen changed in the bedroom, then they removed their makeup and brushed their teeth side-by-side at the bathroom sink, steadfastly avoiding eye contact. Judy then got into “her” side of the bed while Jen went to turn the lights off, and then Jen got into the bed herself. The two women were lying on their backs, the tension between them so thick Jen could almost taste it.

Lost in her own thoughts, it took Jen a minute to notice the sniffles coming from beside her, but when she turned her head to look at Judy she could see tears running down the other woman’s face from the dim cast of the outside lights.

And fuck, if that didn’t make Jen want to cry as well.

She had held it together all night—but she knew she was close to breaking.

Close to getting in her car alone, screaming along to her music and sobbing.

She rolled on her side to face Judy, and slowly reached out her hand to brush the tears off of Judy’s face, causing the other woman’s breath to stutter as she slightly flinched away.

“Jude…”

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry,” Judy cried brokenly. “I should be- the one asking you if you’re okay, I should be comforting you.”

“You don’t have to fucking comfort me,” Jen said.

“But I killed your husband!” Judy sobbed out. “I shouldn’t even be here with you right now, in your house, in your bed.”

“You’re here because I want you to be,” Jen said. “And I told you—Steve is the one who fucking killed my husband. And I’m still fucking angry as hell that you lied to me, but I’m not going to kick you out, okay? I told you that I would be here for you and I am _not_ a liar.”

At her words Judy somehow started crying even harder, unable to get any more words out, so Jen did the only thing she could think of—she pulled Judy to her chest, wrapping her arms around Judy as tightly as she could, just wanting her to feel secure. With Judy’s face hidden in Jen’s chest she also finally let a few tears escape herself, even though she was so fucking tired of crying.

“It’s going to be okay,” Jen finally said. “Steve is gone, and we don’t have to spend another minute thinking or worrying about that dickwad, okay? From now on we’re focusing on the baby. We’re just going to keep you and that baby healthy.”

Judy was still sobbing but starting to quiet down. Her hand was clutched tightly to Jen’s shirt while her head was tucked into Jen’s neck, and one of her legs was fitted perfectly between both of Jen’s. The intimacy of the position was not lost on Jen, but she had no idea what to do about it. She couldn’t analyze what was going on here—not after everything that was happening.

Judy was her friend.

Okay, Judy was her _best_ friend.

But Judy was her best friend who hit her husband and was forced to leave him to die on the side of the road.

Judy was her best friend who was abused by her ex-fiance—her ex-fiance who Jen had now caused the death of.

Things were… messy.

So whatever Jen was feeling, whatever the fuck her heart and stomach were doing all the time—beating too fast and making her feel like Godzilla was running around in there whenever Judy so much as fucking smiled at her—that just had to stop.

She had to listen to her own words—all that mattered now was the baby. That was something she could focus on.

So she tuned out her thoughts of how good it felt to have Judy pressed against her, how good Judy smelled even after this shitshow of a night (Jen knew that she herself probably smelled like sweat and blood), and she just held Judy and closed her eyes, willing sleep to come.

And if she kissed Judy lightly on the forehead once the other woman fell asleep, well… that was just for the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... aaand that's how we're dealing with Steve. I thought it would definitely be too much for a pregnant Judy to have to worry about moving his body and dealing with the lying so here we are. Now I'm mainly going to be focusing just on the pregnancy/them building back their relationship and maybe adding a touch of s2 here or there so if you have anything you really want to see let me know! :)


	4. Seven Weeks (con't)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **i made this jen/judy inspired playlist to listen to while writing if anyone wants to check it out: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4vNbiXBi0t00dF8OdxYBX5?si=FDKr4iSURouocV4aJqJ_Qw **

The next morning Jen was sipping a cup of coffee while she waited for Henry to wake up and Charlie to get home. She had texted the latter 30 minutes earlier asking him to come home so she could tell him something—his “u ok??” at least giving her some hope for getting him to move back home. Or at least just listen to her. Judy was still sleeping when Jen got up, curled around her baby blanket looking more innocent than Jen thought she had any right to. 

Jen was trying (and maybe failing) to make breakfast for the other woman. So what if it was just cutting some fruit and drizzling honey and granola on it? Jen had the gift of ruining anything she touched in the kitchen—as Judy loved to tease her about—but she just wanted to do something nice for Judy.

Even though she didn’t know _why_ she was doing something nice for Judy.

 _Jen_ was the one who had her husband murdered.

Well.

Now Judy also had a dead ex-fiancé.

And Jen had been dealing with this pain for months—this would be Judy’s first day without Steve in the world. Even though they weren’t together, even though Jen wouldn’t have let Steve anywhere near Judy or the baby, even though he abused her—it didn’t change the fact that Judy had loved him, and now he was gone forever.

So yeah, Jen was trying, for once. It felt weird to her, trying to be mature about this, but she knew that based off Judy’s history she needed Jen’s support more than anything else right now, no matter how mad Jen still was about her lying.

(Even if she really wasn’t that mad anymore. Not after seeing firsthand Judy’s reaction to Steve’s yelling, to seeing her crying herself to sleep, clutching her baby blanket like a lifeline. Not after thinking about the current baby and how much Judy deserved to be a mother and how it was probably Steve who provided the stressors that caused Judy to lose the others. And how it better not have fucking been physical abuse that caused her to lose those other babies.)

“Morning, Mom,” she heard a soft voice from behind her.

_Oh fuck, here we go._

“Morning, Boop,” Jen said back, trying to keep her voice light. “Mommy has something to tell you, okay? I got a little hurt last night, but I’m okay I promise.” She turned around with a small smile for her son, already moving towards him for a hug.

“What happened?!” Henry exclaimed with his arms immediately going around her too.

“Mom? What the fuck?”

Jen looked up to see Charlie coming into the kitchen, her bruised face in full view.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” she reassured, waving him into the hug too. Charlie rolled his eyes but wrapped his arms around the both of them.

(Which definitely did _not_ make Jen want to cry at how tall he was and how she loved both of her boys so much and how they could have lost her if last night had gone any differently).

They broke the hug and both boys settled onto the island chairs with Jen standing across from them.

“So, you know how Judy lives with us because she doesn’t live with her friend Steve anymore?” she began.

“You mean that dickwad who kicked her out?” Charlie interjected.

“Char! Language,” Jen said. “But… yeah. He came over last night and he was really angry. He was looking for Judy so I went to talk to him and to ask him to leave. And he was… really angry. He didn’t like that I wouldn’t let him see her-“

“You’re telling me that fucker hit you?” Charlie jumped up from the stool, his face contorted in rage.

“Char- Char- I’m okay, it’s fine,” Jen said, coming back around the island and pushing him to sit back down, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Yes, he hit me. So I pushed him back and… he slipped. He hit his head and he… died.” Jen winced. How the fuck was she supposed to do this? “So you don’t have to worry—he won’t be coming back, he can’t hurt me or you anymore.”

“Or Judy?” Henry spoke up with wide eyes.

“Or Judy,” Jen promised. “We need to be extra nice to Judy now, okay? You know how sad we were when Dad died, right? So let’s try and help Judy to be less sad.”

Henry nodded solemnly. “Do you think I could pray for her?”

Jen had to force herself not to roll her eyes and elbowed Charlie softly when she saw him roll his. “Of course you can, Boop.” She heard a shuffling on the stairs and turned around to see Judy walking into the kitchen. Her face was drawn (so unlike her usual morning smile) and she was ringing her hands together in front of her—Jen also belatedly noticed that she was wearing a pair of Jen’s own sweatpants and one of Jen’s hoodies, looking adorably dwarfed in both.

 _Fuck_ _off_ , Jen thought to the monsters back in her stomach. This was _not_ a time to be focused on how cute Judy was; she needed Jen to be there for her.

“Hey,” Jen said. _What the fuck, stop being so lame, Harding._

“Hey,” Judy said, doe eyes looking around at all 3 of them, her face crumpling slightly when she caught sight of Jen’s own bruised face.

Henry got off his stool and walked up to Judy. “Can I give you a hug?”

Judy’s eyes immediately filled with tears and she nodded quickly, enveloping the boy in her arms. She rested her head on top of his and shut her eyes—Jen could see her body trembling lightly, just like it had been the night before.

“I made you breakfast,” Jen said. “Can you eat?”

Judy shrugged with her arms still lightly around Henry.

“You should try at least a few bites,” Jen pushed. “You have to take care of yourself.” Her eyes flashed down to Judy’s stomach before she looked back into Judy’s eyes, hoping Judy got the hint. Judy’s hand went lightly to her stomach while an almost heartbroken, panicked look crossed her face. Out of the corner of her eyes, Jen saw Charlie look at Judy’s hand and then to Jen.

Did her kid have to be so fucking perceptive?

Trying to diffuse the other woman’s panic, Jen moved forward to put her arm around Judy and led her gently to one of the stools, helping her sit down. Instead of walking back around the island, she sat next to Judy and just reached across to the pull the fruit and granola towards them. She set it in front of Judy before putting her hand back on the other woman’s back and started to rub gentle circles, hoping to calm Judy down some.

“Mom?”

“Not now Charlie,” Jen said, trying to keep her tone light.

The four of them sat there—Charlie and Henry eventually getting themselves cereal—in a semi-awkward silence, with everyone eyeing Judy but trying not to be obvious about it. (As if any of the Hardings could be subtle).

Judy managed about 5 bites of food before she weakly pushed the bowl away.

“I think I’m going to shower,” she said. Her voice was still uncharacteristically quiet. It was as though the light in her had gone out and Jen was trying not to be worried out of her mind. Jen stayed quiet as Judy left the room and could feel Charlie watching her.

Sure enough, as soon as Henry was done and went upstairs to get dressed for school, Charlie turned to his mother.

“She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”

“Jesus, Charlie.”

“What the fuck _happened_ last night?”

Jen sighed. “I told you, Steve came here looking for Judy and I stopped him from getting to her.”

“He used to hit her too, didn’t he?” Jen could see the rage still boiling quietly within her son. “That’s why she looked so afraid this morning? That’s why she flinches when we yell at video games or the TV?”

Seriously. How the fuck did her son get so smart?

Jen moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him while he was still sitting on the stool—their heads now level with one another. After a moment Charlie wrapped his arms back around his mother and rested his head on her shoulder. Jen could feel the tears pricking the back of her eyes and swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“She needs us, Char,” Jen finally said. She knew that he would see that as the confirmation it was.

“And she’s pregnant?” Charlie pressed.

“Yeah, she’s pregnant.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I’m going to take care of her,” Jen said. “ _We’re_ going to take care of her.”

Charlie nodded resolutely. “I’m moving back in.”

“Charlie…”

“I’m the man of the house. I can protect you both.”

“Well I’m the woman of the house, and it’s _my_ job to protect everyone,” Jen said. “But thank you,” she kissed him on the head. “I love you, you know that?”

Charlie rolled his eyes, but she could see the smile peeking out. “I love you too,” he mumbled.

“Okay now go get ready for school, chop-chop,” Jen ushered him off the stool, swatting his butt playfully and laughing when he turned around to glare at her.

At least _that_ wasn’t fucked up anymore. At least both of her boys would be under the same roof as her.

And Judy.

 _Time to check on Judy_.

She made her way back to her room and could hear the water running from the shower, which was a bit odd since Judy always boasted about taking short showers—trying to conserve as much water as she could. ( _Because we’re always in a drought, Jen, this is southern California_.)

“Jude?” She knocked lightly on the door. “You okay in there?” She waited a few seconds before knocking again, still getting no response. She pushed the door open and poked her head in, face immediately filling with steam. “Jude?”

She heard a choked breath coming from the shower.

“Judy, I’m coming in.” She barged into the bathroom and pulled the curtain back, heart shattering as she saw the other woman curled up on the shower floor, knees pulled up to her chest and back shaking with sobs. Her skin was beat red and Jen reached in to feel the water, shouting a quick ‘ _fuck_ ’ as it scalded her skin. She rushed to turn the temperature down, wanting to run cool water back over Judy before she finally turned it off. She knelt down on the floor next to the tub and lightly reached out to put her hand on Judy’s shoulder. “Jude?”

Jen felt Judy’s muscles twitch beneath her hand and her heart broke even more. Judy, who always used to be the one reaching out to Jen, holding her hand and wanting a hug, now flinching any time she felt a touch. How long had it taken her to get to that spot with Jen? Had she always been like this with Steve? Clearly even when she missed him the distance had done her well and now Jen imagined she was back to square one.

And this fear and stress was definitely _not_ good for the baby.

“Judy?” Jen made her voice as soft as possible. “You need to get out now honey, can I help?”

Finally Judy nodded—she lifted her head up to meet Jen’s gaze, face red and soaked from both her tears and the scalding water that had been running on her for God knows how long. Jen reached for the towel on the toilet beside her and stood up, holding the towel out and looking away to preserve Judy’s modesty, but after a beat she realized that Judy wasn’t getting up on her own.

“Come on babe, you gotta get up now,” Jen said. She bent forward, reaching out one hand to grasp one of Judy’s and pulled the other woman up, catching sight of her slightly rounded belly and trying not to notice how perfect her breasts looked because what the fuck Jen this was _so_ not the time. She wrapped the towel around Judy’s body, rubbing her hands up and down Judy’s arms to try and provide some warmth and comfort. “Let’s get you dressed, okay?”

She led Judy back into the bedroom and guided her to sit down on the bed while still wrapped in the towel. Going back into the bathroom she saw a clean pair of underwear and another pair of Jen’s sweats resting on the sink top. And Jen definitely _did not_ feel her heart flutter at Judy being comfortable enough to keep stealing her clothes to wear. She looked at herself sternly in the mirror, telling herself to _fucking stop_ before taking the clothes back out to Judy.

“Do you want me to help?” she asked. At Judy’s nod of consent she slipped the shirt over Judy’s head and then gently undid the towel so she could put her arms through. Taking a deep breath and trying to still her own shaking hands, Jen knelt to the ground with the underwear, slipping it over Judy’s feet and pulling it over her legs—“Come on, lift up for me,” she said. Deciding that this was enough and the t-shirt was long enough, Jen let Judy sit back on the bed without helping her pull on the sweatpants.

“It’s okay, Mama, you’re okay,” Jen said. Tears were still rolling silently down Judy’s face. Jen pushed the other woman’s hair back, trying to be tender and gentle in her movements. This gentleness was so new to her but fuck if it still didn’t somehow come naturally towards Judy. “I want to call the doctor, okay?”

Judy looked up at her with wide, panicked eyes.

“I know your appointment isn’t scheduled for another 3 days but I think it would be better to see if they can look at you today, just to make sure the baby’s okay from all the stress.”

She sat down at the head of the bed, guiding Judy to lay with her head in Jen’s lap. Jen absent-mindedly started playing with Judy’s hair as she called the doctor from her cell phone. She briefly described what happened last night, explaining that Judy’s pregnancy was high risk and she was worried about the effects of stress. After the receptionist set them up with an appointment that afternoon, Jen hung up and realized that Judy had finally stopped shaking.

Judy turned so that she was laying on her back, with her head still resting on Jen’s lap. “Do you think the baby’s okay?” she whispered.

Jen pursed her lips, not wanting to lie to Judy but not wanting to make her feel worse either. “Whatever happens, you know I’m here,” she finally settled on. “And Charlie and Henry are here for you too. They love you, you know.”

Judy let out a tiny smile, “I love them too.”

“I know,” Jen said. _That’s what makes me love you even more_.

But she couldn’t say that out loud. Especially not when Judy was in this state.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jen asked.

Judy shut her eyes and let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know what to feel,” she finally said. “I know that he wasn’t the best guy but… he was the first person who really made me feel _loved_ , you know? Like I was his person and he was mine.” She sniffled. “It probably sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

“Of course it doesn’t sound stupid,” Jen said. “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

Her stomach did a weird little flip at the words but she was _not_ going to analyze it.

“Is there anything I can do?” she finally asked.

Judy hesitated, opening and shutting her mouth. She shook her head.

“Come on,” Jen said. “What is it?”

“Can you… will you- sing to me?” Judy finally asked.

And normally Jen’s reaction would be _fuck no_ because Judy wasn’t a child and Jen wasn’t that kind of nurturer. But this was _Judy_ and Jen had realized long ago that really there was nothing she wouldn’t do for the other woman.

So she took a deep breath and starting singing, stroking Judy’s hair until she fell back asleep.

_Stars shining bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"  
Birds singing in the sycamore tree  
Dream a little dream of me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know your thoughts and anything you might like to see going forward! I want to make this more emotion-based and focus on Jen/Judy/the baby rather than integrating a ton of plot from s2, but I still might add some elements here and there


	5. Ten Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit shorter than the others but things have been crazy with work so I just wanted to get something out to you guys!
> 
> (ps if you guys want to have the best Jen/Judy feels, go watch this perfect video my own Judy made <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbEPoq1fmnY&list=LLlpEnxXffw6Z0TJEnZg9wfA&index=2&t=0s )

Jen was startled awake and looked around, trying to get her bearings. She heard a whimper at her side and realized that was what had woken her up—Judy was having another nightmare. It had been about two weeks since Steve died and Judy was having nightmares every night without rest, which was just stressing her out even more about the baby.

She was about 10 weeks along now and had had two ultrasounds since Steve’s death (one each week), both showing that the baby was still healthy. However, the doctor had stressed the importance of getting enough sleep and nutrients as gently as possible—and then quietly pulled Jen aside after the appointment and suggested that a therapist might be helpful.

(The doctor had actually suggested it for Jen _and_ Judy but fuck that, Jen was fine. It was her job to take care of Judy and that’s what she was going to do.)

Jen rolled to the side and gently pulled Judy into her body, stroking the other woman’s hair back and lightly kissing her hair line until her eyes fluttered open and a sharp gasp.

“I’m here, I’m here, you’re safe,” Jen reassured her. As with every other night it took Judy a moment to come out of it, and as soon as she did the tears started and she clung to Jen, pressing herself as close as possible. The first few nights Judy had tried to keep her distance, insisting that she was okay and still flinching every time Jen made physical contact—but finally that had stopped and she was more comfortable again in the safety of the night.

(Just with Jen, but at least that was something.)

Her fingers gripped Jen’s shirt as her tears soaked Jen’s neck and her body lightly shook with sobs. Jen knew that it would take some time before the tears would stop and she could try talking about the nightmare. She had weirdly gotten more comfortable with just holding Judy in silence the last few weeks and providing the silent physical support.

“It was you,” Judy finally whispered. “In the pool of blood… it was you—not Steve.” Her breath hiccuped with continued tears.

“It wasn’t real,” Jen said, kissing Judy’s head again. “I’m okay, you’re okay.”

Judy nodded weakly. Jen knew her body still wouldn’t stop shaking any time soon.

“Jude…” she began, knowing she had to try this again. “I really think you should consider the therapist the doctor recommended.”

“No,” Judy shook her head. “I’m fine.”

“Well the constant nightmares and crying on my shoulder tell me otherwise,” Jen snapped, cursing herself when Judy flinched away and started to pull back.

“I’ll just go back-“

“Don’t even fucking finish that sentence,” Jen interrupted. “You are _not_ going back to sleeping in the guest house. And you are _not_ bothering me. But you’re also not fine, Judy. Just let me fucking help you.”

She shifted on the bed so that her and Judy were facing each other and took the other woman’s face in her hands, needing Judy to realize how serious she was. Judy’s eyes were truly like windows to her soul—always displaying what she was really feeling, and the light that was usually so prominent had been gone since Steve had died. As she looked back at Jen her eyes were still huge and tear filled, but whatever she saw back in Jen’s face must have finally gotten through to her because eventually she nodded.

“You too?” Judy asked.

“Fuck no, Jude, this is for you.”

“It happened to you too,” Judy said. “I know I’m a burden-“

“ _Jude._ ”

“You need to take care of yourself.”

Jen made a face. “It helps me to take care of you,” she said.

Judy made a face back, its effect diminished by her puffy eyes and dried tear tracks on her cheeks. She just stared back at Jen until the eye contact finally got too much for Jen and she looked away before doing something stupid.

(Something like kissing her.)

“You can come in with me,” Judy said softly. Jen opened her mouth to protest before Judy cut her off. “I want you to.”

“Fine,” Jen said. “But I’m only doing this for the baby. _Not_ for you.”

Judy cracked her first real (albeit small) smile in weeks. “I love you too,” she whispered in her tear-hoarse voice.

* * *

“So what brings you two here today?” The therapist (‘call me _Sam_ ’) asked the two women. They were sat on a couch in the therapist’s office—Judy curled into herself with a pillow in her lap, making herself as small as possible, while Jen sat further away from Judy than normal with her back ramrod straight, discomfort radiating from her body.

“She’s been having nightmares,” Jen finally said matter-of-factly, when Judy didn’t answer.

The therapist— _Sam—_ looked to Judy, who nodded slightly.

“Tell me about these nightmares,” Sam prompted.

After Judy stayed silent, Jen answered for her once again. “Her ex-fiancé died a few weeks ago. The nightmares wake her up; either reliving his death or dreaming about me dying—or my kids.”

Sam looked between the women for a moment before focusing on Jen. “And who are you to Judy?”

“Excuse me?” Jen said, body somehow getting even more tense—like a cobra getting ready to strike. “What do you mean who _am_ I to her?”

“She’s my person,” Judy interrupted, her voice quiet and subdued as it had changed to since Steve’s death. Jen looked over to her, feeling that now all too present flutter in her chest. She remembered what Judy had told her previously about Steve being the only one to previously make her feel like she mattered—that Steve had been her person. At the time she had wondered afterwards about Judy being _her_ person, but she never expected Judy to feel the same way. Why would she? Jen was a nightmare of a person. She was too harsh, too sharp around the edges.

But the way Judy was looking at her now… it was like the light was back—faintly, but still there. She meant it, Jen realized.

Suddenly deciding that she cared about Judy more than she cared about what the therapist fucking thought of them, she scooted closer to Judy on the couch, putting her arm around Judy’s lower back as Judy’s head fell to her shoulder—their usual comfort position. Judy then took Jen’s free hand into both of hers, which felt like another small victory to Jen. Judy hadn’t been the one to initiate contact in weeks.

(They also hadn’t _really_ talked in weeks. Was it Jen’s fault? Had she just not facilitated an environment for Judy to talk to her? _You fucking piece of shit_ , _Harding. She needs you_.)

“Jen?” The therapist’s voice broke her out of her self-sabotaging monologue. “What about you—who is Judy to you?”

Jen started to roll her eyes but managed to stop herself. Judy needed her to be serious. She needed her to be open. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her fucking traitorous heart.

“She’s my person too,” she finally said, simply. She felt Judy squeeze her hand and she squeezed back but couldn’t bring herself to look at Judy—she didn’t want to know what she would see looking back at her. Instead she looked over to the therapist, who was looking at them with an impassive expression. Jen raised her eyebrow in a challenge, disappointed when Sam did nothing back.

Fucking professional bitch.

“If you don’t want to tell me about the nightmares yet, why don’t you talk about something else—what’s something good?” She asked Judy.

Immediately Judy brought her and Jen’s joined hands to her stomach. “I’m pregnant,” she said.

“That _is_ something good,” Sam said. (Jen thought she may have even been smiling, on the inside at least.)

“But I might lose her,” Judy continued.

“Jude-“ Jen started to try and interject, before she was interrupted by Sam.

“Why might you lose her?” she asked.

“I’ve already lost 5 others… I’m not meant to be a mother,” Judy said, her voice barely above whisper. Jen felt her heart break—she knew about Judy’s anxieties, but Judy had never said that before.

“Babe you’re already a mother,” Jen said, angling her body towards Judy. “Charlie and Henry are yours too—you know they come to you when they want something but know that I’ll say ‘no.’ They call you the ‘easy mom’ and Charlie asks me how you’re doing every day because he wants you and the baby to be okay. This baby will just be adding to our family, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a mother.” She was surprised and embarrassed to feel tears filling her eyes as she spoke, meaning every word.

When the fuck did she get so sappy?

Judy suddenly launched herself completely into Jen’s arms as sobs wracked her body. Jen shifted until Judy was practically on her lap with Jen cradling her, their arms fully wrapped around one another. She didn’t say anything because what the fuck could she say now? She just hoped that maybe this could be a breakthrough for the other woman—while she had been crying everyday for the last few weeks, Jen could actually finally _feel_ the tension starting to leave Judy’s body as she just let herself go.

By the time Judy had finally calmed down and was just sniffling into Jen’s chest, the therapist finally spoke up.

“We’re almost out of time… but how do you feel now?” she asked Judy.

Judy took a deep breath and looked up at Jen, still resting her head in the other woman’s neck. “Better,” she said. “Loved,” even softer.

Jen’s heart felt like it might burst out of her chest but she also didn’t want to be fucking dramatic about it so she just squeezed Judy with her arms that were still wrapped around Judy’s back.

“Well we do all love you,” she heard herself saying.

_Yes—all of us. Completely platonic, familial love. Nothing else. Definitely nothing more._

She fought the urge to kiss Judy’s forehead. That was just a nighttime, under the cover of darkness, thing. And she definitely didn’t want the therapist observing.

“Well I think we have a lot to work on together.” Speaking of… fucking therapist.

“We?” Jen tore her face away from Judy to address the therapist. “I was just here today for-“

“Please?” Judy’s voice softly interrupted.

And fuck, if Jen couldn’t say no to those eyes.

 _Goddammit_.

“I guess we’ll see you next week,” Jen grit out.

But as they left the office Judy took Jen’s hand in hers—another initiation of contact that didn’t help Jen’s heart palpitations but made her want to do something fucking stupid like kiss Judy silly in happiness. Sure, it was just a small thing, but it gave Jen her own hope.

They could do this. They could do the therapy, the moving on, the pregnancy.

Jen just had to forget her fucking feelings for Judy along the way and everything would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know your thoughts and anything you want to see moving forward :)


	6. Thirteen Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to title all of the chapters with how many weeks pregnant Judy is to hopefully make it not confusing because I'll definitely keep skipping forward in time

Jen and Judy were sat together in the doctor’s office waiting for the results from the latest rounds of testing. It had been three weeks since their first therapy session and while Judy definitely wasn’t healed, she was so much better from three sessions and was slowly coming back to the Judy that Jen knew.

(And loved.)

She was initiating physical contact again regularly and only having nightmares for about half of the week—she was even coming out of the nightmares better than she had been right after Steve’s death.

(Maybe Jen was still holding her every night anyway but clearly, she just wanted to keep Judy’s comfort steady.)

She also wanted to start going back to work this week, only part-time and only as long as her tests kept coming back okay. Which is why they were here now—they would find out if the baby was fine genetically and if Judy was still clear to work, as well as finally finding out the baby’s sex.

“Any preference?” Jen asked.

Judy shook her head. “I just want it to be healthy.”

Jen was also regularly making sure to keep referring to Judy as “Mama” and involving her with decisions regarding the boys so that she felt like the parent that she was.

She grabbed Judy’s hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing right as the door opened and the doctor finally came into the room.

“Congratulations ladies… it’s a girl,” the doctor said with a smile.

A smile broke out on Jen’s face so wide she thought her face might break from the unfamiliarity of it all. She turned and enveloped Judy in her arms, suddenly swallowing past a lump in her throat and trying to hold back tears.

“I know I said I didn’t have a preference, but I was really hoping it was a girl,” Judy choked out with a slight chuckle.

“Me too,” Jen admitted. She squeezed Judy even tighter before pulling back to look in her eyes—the eyes that finally had some of their sunshine back. _God she’s so fucking beautiful_. Jen felt her eyes drift down briefly to Judy’s lips as the smiles slowly slid off of their faces. Jen could feel the tension thick between them, causing her whole body to clench in anticipation. Judy’s face was starting to get closer when a throat clearing immediately broke the moment, forcing Jen to pull backwards like she had been scalded.

All Jen heard next was that everything else from the baby’s blood panel looked good and that she was still growing properly and there was still no cause for concern.

 _You’re fucking so fucking stupid_ , she kept repeating to herself over and over. _She just lost her fucking fiancé you psychopath you cannot prey on her like some fucking prick right now. She needs you as a fucking friend._

All too soon the doctor was shaking both of their hands with a smile and ushering them out of the office. Jen looked to Judy awkwardly, not sure how to move forward from that ‘almost-moment’ so instead she just started walking towards the car knowing Judy would follow. She tried to make mindless chatter on the way home—dinner, the boys, school stuff—but she could feel that Judy’s mind was miles away as well.

 _Probably wondering how to tell you to back the fuck off_ _you creep_.

The two walked into the house where Henry and Charlie were both surprisingly sitting in the living room together watching tv, Henry’s homework looking finished on the table in front of them. As soon as Henry saw his mother and Judy come through the door he popped up from the couch and raced over to Judy, practically bouncing up and down—Charlie got up and followed much more slowly, but Jen could see the hint of a smile on his face.

“Did you find out, did you find out?!”

“It’s… a girl!” Judy said, the smile Jen missed so much overtaking Judy’s face.

Henry let out a squeal and wrapped his arms around Judy. “A baby sister!” he said. It looked like Judy squeezed him even tighter after that, resting her cheek on the top of his head after giving it a quick kiss.

“Congratulations,” Charlie said, uncharacteristically reaching out and touching Judy’s arm.

 _Fuck, I love them all so much_. Jen felt like the Grinch with her heart growing 3 sizes watching her family all together.

“What are you going to name her? Can we help? Why do we have to wait so long for her to get here? When is your stomach going to get bigger?” Henry started shooting questions at Judy until Jen ushered him away, back into the living room.

“Give her some space, Boop,” Jen said before turning to Judy. “And you go sit down and rest for a bit, I’ve got dinner covered tonight.” Everyone started to object- “Pizza, guys. I know how to order a pizza. What does everyone want?”

The rest of the night luckily went back to normal, with Jen not even having to persuade Charlie to eat at the table with them. While they still butted heads sometimes and he would give Jen a fucking difficult attitude about everything, he was also very quietly protective of Judy now (which by extension meant more listening to his mother). Jen noticed him watching her to make sure she never needed anything, as well as sometimes bringing her a cup of water or a snack out of nowhere. He would also watch the two of them together with a look on his face that Jen did _not_ want to fucking dissect.

It was only when they were getting ready for bed later that Jen was afraid of things becoming awkward again. They went through their usual routines in silence, each of them lost in thought. When Jen finally turned the lights off and got under the covers next to Judy, she couldn’t get her body to relax. All she could think about was how she had almost fucked everything up and kissed her. It didn’t matter how soft Judy’s lips probably were, how good her hair would feel between Jen’s fingers as she grabbed her face… how she would probably let Jen take control…

_Snap the fuck out of it, Harding!_

She realized that Judy was also now saying something next to her. “Hmm?” she said.

“Do you think you could drive me to work tomorrow?” Judy asked. She was laying on her side with her head resting on both of her hands, looking up at Jen with those stupidly cute pleading eyes.

“Of course,” Jen said. “I only have a quick showing in the morning so I can pick you back up whenever you want. And if you need me to come right away, I’ll just have Christopher finish the showing—he owes me.”

“Jen, you don’t have to leave work for me! I’ll be fine.”

“Oh shut up, Jude, you know it’s not a problem. I’m doing whatever you need, okay? So if you need to leave after 20 minutes, that’s fine. And if you can stay the full 4 hours then that’s fine too,” Jen huffed, but refused to make eye contact, not wanting to get sucked into another moment. She hoped it would be good to have Judy go back to work—maybe the time apart would help Jen get over these fucking feelings. She heard a quiet “thank you” next to her and let out a slight nod she knew Judy could see as she willed herself to just fucking fall asleep.

Luckily the next morning things felt more normal as they got ready for their days—Jen made sure to get up earlier than usual so that she could shower first and then attempt to get some breakfast ready for Judy to have by the time she finished her own shower. She let the boys get whatever they thought passed as breakfast and then handed them money for lunch, too worried about how Judy’s day might go to attempt packing them anything. Judy hadn’t been to work in over a month since Steve’s death but after their most recent therapy appointment she finally said she felt ready to go back part time—keeping her workload light in order to not over-stress her body. Jen had also gotten Judy’s OBGYN to send in a note to Judy’s boss explaining her condition and the order of light work.

“Morning,” Jen heard from behind her as Judy entered the kitchen. She turned around and was pissed to feel her body’s immediate heated reaction to how good Judy looked—dressed back in one of her signature flowing dresses, her hair curled and make-up done to perfection.

(If she looked close she could also see the slight bump of Judy’s stomach under her dress. Among other growing assets. Which is why she absolutely was _not_ looking closely.)

“Hey Mama,” Jen said back. “You ready for today? Are you nervous? You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

“I’m _fine_ , Jen,” Judy said, coming to stand in front of her. She put her hands on Jen’s shoulders while Jen tried to continue to ignore the flutter in her heart and the heat building below her belly. Obviously Judy was beautiful all the time, but Jen couldn’t ignore how good it felt to see her finally starting to look like her usual self—the old sparkle in her eye peeking through this morning as well. “Just 4 hours, I can handle it.”

“Okay but if you can’t-“

“Then I will call you,” Judy said. She leaned forward and gave Jen a quick kiss on the cheek, pulling away and grabbing her breakfast before Jen could even truly process what the fuck had just happened—the burning on her skin the only indication that she hadn’t had a stroke and imagined it.

She felt like she was floating through the rest of their breakfast and all through the drive to Judy’s work. She barely mustered out a “good luck” as Judy got out of the car and made her way into the building.

_Get it together, it didn’t mean anything. Friends kiss friends on the cheek all the time. She’s a tactile person and she’s just getting back to normal don’t scare her off._

The thoughts ran around in Jen’s head over and over for the next 4 hours until it was time to pick Judy back up. She couldn’t even remember going through the house showing or what her and Christopher had discussed. Her mind was just _Judy Judy Judy Judy_ —so much for the space apart fucking helping.

She pulled up to the retirement home and texted Judy that she was outside. After 10 minutes of waiting and 2 more unanswered texts she decided to just go inside, panic about Judy and the baby getting the better of her. She made her way down the main hallway towards where she remembered the art room to be—she saw Judy’s purse on the back table with her phone on top, but the room was empty. She left the room and started making her way towards where she thought one of the main communal rooms were, where she had talked to Abe once before. Just as she saw a staff member and was going to ask if they had seen Judy, she heard Judy’s unmistakable laugh coming from down the opposite hallway, which of _course_ did nothing to calm her traitorous heart, and Jen began walking towards the sound.

However, she stopped short when she got to the doorway of a room that was empty besides Judy and another young woman—no name tag, so not an employee—standing close together and laughing all over each other. The woman was taller than Judy and her body was angled towards the smaller woman as her hand brushed Judy’s arm while they had this apparently fucking hysterical moment together. _Who is this bitch?_ The jealously ran rampant through Jen’s body, the _she’s mine_ racing through her thoughts before she could stop it.

“Jude?” Jen’s voice immediately broke the two women apart as they looked over to her. She couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t pleased at the way Judy’s expression lit up further upon seeing Jen. “I texted you but I didn’t get an answer—I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. And clearly it is.” She finished her sentence eyeing the other woman, an icy smile overtaking her face. “I’m Jen,” she said in a saccharine sweet voice, holding out her hand to shake.

“Michelle,” the other woman said, not hiding the way she was looking between Jen and Judy.

“Her mom is a new resident here,” Judy said. “I was just showing her around, making sure she knows all the best secrets.” She jokingly nudged Michelle, seeming to either not notice or simply ignoring the tension that was now palpable between Jen and Michelle, each one sizing the other up.

“Hm,” was all Jen said. “Well we better get going, I thought we could pick up something special for dinner to surprise the boys with after your first day back.” She looked to Michelle: “Our sons will be home from school soon.” She looked back to Judy: “I know Char was worried about you coming back.”

She then met Michelle’s gaze head on, raising her eyebrow slightly. _Yeah, our sons. She’s mine._

Michelle took a minute physical step backwards and gave a slight nod back. _Good, so she’s not an idiot_. “Thanks for showing me around,” Michelle said to Judy as she made her way out of the room. “It was nice to meet you both.”

“See you soon!” Judy said cheerfully. She turned to Jen with a smile, seeming to have a quick internal war with herself before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Jen—who of course couldn’t resist and immediately put her arms around Judy’s back, sighing at the feel of Judy’s face nuzzled into her neck. She felt the previous tension leaving her body. _This_ is what mattered, above all else. The comfort that the two could find in one another even when everything else was stressful and confusing—no matter what, Judy’s place was in Jen’s arms. The rest of Jen’s feelings didn’t matter.

“Let’s go home, Mama,” she said. “You can tell me all about your day in the car.”

But if she saw Michelle down the hallway on their way out and grabbed Judy’s hand in full view—feeling smug when Judy latched on and squeezed back with a smile thrown her way—that was just a bit of a bonus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I'll be adding Ben to this fic, but I do think Jen needs a little push of jealousy ;)
> 
> As always, please let me know your thoughts!! I try to reply to comments when I can, but even when I don't they all mean so much to me


	7. Eighteen Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly shorter update than normal but this one is for my Judy 😘
> 
> obvious disclaimer: I am clearly not a doctor- this chapter is solely based off of my mom's own pregnancy with me and what she's told me about it

Jen was working from home for once, waiting until it was time to go pick Judy up, when her phone rang with an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Is this Jennifer Harding?”

“This is she.”

“Hi Mrs. Harding, I’m calling from Laguna General Hospital—you’re listed as the emergency contact for a Miss Judy Hale?”

Jen shot out of her seat and immediately grabbed her purse and keys. “What’s wrong with Judy? What happened?”

“She’s okay; she was brought in following a collapse at work. They’re doing some tests now.”

 _The baby_ was all Jen could think of—Judy was only 18 weeks this time. She and the baby had to be okay. Jen sped all the way to the hospital, having little regard for basic traffic rules. She parked haphazardly near the emergency entrance, just barely remembering to lock her car as she raced inside.

“Hi, I’m here for Judy Hale,” she told the receptionist in a rush. “Do you know what’s happening? Is she still getting tests?”

The receptionist took a long fucking five seconds to look up at Jen from her computer. “One moment,” she finally said before typing something on her keyboard. “It looks like she had some blood tests done and is waiting for the OBGYN to come do the ultrasound in room 107 down the hall.”

Jen barely waited for her to finish before she made her way to Judy’s room, heart sinking to her stomach when she saw fucking Michelle sitting in the chair next to Judy’s bed. However, her momentum was so fast coming into the room that Judy noticed her right away—as Jen noticed that there were dried tear stains on Judy’s face.

 _“Jen_ ,” Judy said, fresh sobs starting.

“Hey, hey, I’m here.” Jen moved to the other side of Judy’s bed, not sparing a glance at Michelle. “What happened?”

“We were eating lunch and I felt a little pain and I thought it was just gas or something but then it was so sharp and I got so afraid I couldn’t breathe and then-“ Judy looked to Michelle.

“She fainted,” Michelle said. “I figured it would be faster for me to drive her then to wait for the ambulance, so some staff helped get her in my car and we came here. She was awake by the time we got here and they immediately started doing some tests.”

“Thank you for bringing her,” Jen forced herself to say. She perched on the side of Judy’s bed, taking one of the other woman’s hands in her own. “Have they said anything about the baby yet?”

Judy shook her head, face anguished. “They said they would come in to do an ultrasound soon.” She leaned forward into Jen’s chest, seeking more comfort.

“Okay well then we shouldn’t worry until the doctor is here, okay?” Jen tried to reassure her, rubbing her hands up and down Judy’s back and barely restraining herself from kissing the top of her head. “I’m sure she’s okay.” She wanted to reassure herself as much as Judy.

The sound of a throat being cleared awkwardly caused both of their attentions to switch back to Michelle.

“I’m gonna… go,” she pointed towards the doorway. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she said to Judy. “Let me know if you need anything later.”

“Thanks Michelle,” Judy reached out and squeezed Michelle’s arm before the other woman walked away.

 _How fucking close are they_? Jen thought to herself. Judy had mentioned Michelle a bunch when she first went back to work, but she hadn’t in a while, so Jen had just assumed Judy didn’t see her anymore.

“I didn’t realize you two were so close,” Jen couldn’t stop herself from saying.

Judy turned to look at her, a slightly puzzled look on her face. “I eat lunch with her and her mom a lot. She saw me eating in the art room alone a few weeks ago and was nice enough to invite me to eat with them. Since she visits a few times a week it’s just become kind of a regular thing now. Her mom pretends she’s a hard-ass, but I can see how much she loves Michelle… she reminds me of you, actually,” Judy said with a smirk.

Jen rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

Before she could say anything else the doctor finally came in with the ultrasound tech, wheeling in the machine behind her. 

“How are you feeling?” The doctor asked Judy.

“Fine,” Judy said. Jen squeezed Judy’s hand and gave her a look, knowing that she wasn’t telling the truth. Judy sighed, correcting her statement: “I have a bit of a headache. And it feels like I have cramps, but I can tell that I’m not bleeding?” The last statement she asked as a question back to the doctor, not knowing exactly how to explain the feeling.

“I can assure you before we do anything else that the lack of bleeding is a good sign,” the doctor said. “But let’s get your little girl checked out, hm?” She motioned over the ultrasound tech, who started preparing the machine. “I’m going to have to lift up your dress, okay?”

At Judy’s nod of consent the doctor lifted Judy’s dress up to rest just under the line of her bra, exposing the apparently very lacy, sheer underwear she had chosen to wear that day. Jen could feel her entire body flush at the sight and hoped that no one noticed the slightly choked breath she took. Her eyes roved over the other woman’s body, taking in the swell of her belly that Jen hadn’t really gotten to examine without some sort of clothing over it. Her gaze drifted down further, trying not to imagine the sight if Judy’s panties weren’t there—if she were the one lifting Judy’s dress, pressing kisses along her belly and then down… further.

 _Fuck,_ Jen thought right as she made eye contact with the doctor who was giving her an infuriatingly _knowing_ look. Jen raised her eyebrow back and cleared her throat, pretending like she hadn’t just been caught ogling her best friend slash co-parent.

Luckily Judy was too concerned watching the ultrasound tech to notice, letting out a slight squeal as the cold gel was rubbed on her lower stomach, followed by the ultrasound wand. Immediately the tell-tale sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room, causing Judy to burst into a fresh round of tears. Jen all but collapsed on the bed next to Judy and grabbed her hands, the relief that had filled her body indescribable.

“She’s still here,” Judy sobbed out. “I didn’t lose her.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Jen soothed. “You’re her perfect Mama, she knows that you’re protecting her.” She couldn’t stop herself from kissing Judy’s head this time and then just resting her own head on top of Judy’s, keeping Judy’s hands within her own. They stayed like that as the ultrasound tech moved the wand around, getting different angles and snapshots while the doctor seemed to be making note of different measurements until all too soon it was over and the machine was turned off—the heartbeat no longer audible.

“So, I have good news and bad news,” the doctor said as the tech wiped the gel off of Judy’s stomach, helping her move her dress back into place. “The good news is that as you heard, your daughter’s heartbeat is still nice and strong, and her measurements still look good… the bad news is that the pains you’re feeling are a type of pre-term labor-”

“Labor? But she’s only 18 weeks pregnant!” Jen interrupted.

“Unfortunately this can happen with high risk pregnancies,” the doctor continued. “The best course of action for us to take now is to keep you on bed rest, along with daily medication and a weekly dose of steroids to keep the labor from progressing while you’re still too early.”

“Steroids?” Judy said. “Will that be bad for the baby? I wanted everything to be natural through the pregnancy and birth.”

Jen felt her heart clench with fondness at the statement—that was her hippie-Judy.

“The steroids are perfectly safe and won’t affect the fetus itself. This is more to strengthen your body and uterus, helping it to carry the fetus to full term—or as close to full term as we can get. The medication will also help to keep both of you healthy.”

Judy looked up to Jen, the question clear in her eyes.

“She knows what she’s talking about,” Jen said softly, speaking just for Judy. “If this is what’s best for you _and_ the baby then we have to listen to her.” Judy hesitated a moment before finally nodding. “So when you say bedrest…?” Jen asked the doctor.

“Minimal movement,” the doctor said. “No strenuous activities, only walking around the house when necessary. Definitely no more working,” she said firmly.

“But I just went back-“ Judy tried to protest until Jen took Judy’s chin between her fingers, turning the other woman’s face towards her own.

“No. Working,” Jen said. “Seriously Judy, I don’t think the doctor is fucking around here.” She turned to the doctor. “Don’t worry, we’ll do exactly as you say. I can switch around my schedule so that me or our sons can be with her most of the time. Are there any foods that would be best to help or any other vitamins we should be picking up?” She went into full control mode, needing to know every single thing to help Judy through this. She was _not_ going to let Judy lose this baby. She was _not_ going to lose her hope.

The steroids needed to be administered through a shot at the doctor’s office weekly, so they planned to do that every Friday when Jen could always make sure to have the day off of work. Judy tried protesting Jen switching around her hours so much, but when Jen wanted something, she was going to get it. They spent another half an hour talking to the doctor—which was really Jen just being extremely thorough—before Judy was finally cleared to leave.

She wobbled slightly as she was getting off the bed and Jen rushed to her side, putting her arm around Judy’s back to help support her.

“Come on Mama, let’s get my girls home,” she said.

They were going to make it through these next 22 weeks, even if it killed Jen. They were already spending so much time together as it was, and now Jen would be doting on Judy hand and foot. While it was what Judy deserved, Jen also wasn’t sure how long she could keep her fucking feelings a secret. She could feel herself getting closer and closer to snapping. She was sure that one night she would just fucking grab Judy’s stupidly beautiful face and kiss her for all she was worth. Which was _not_ the adrenaline and stress that Judy needed right now. So Jen needed to calm the fuck down and simply focus even more on Judy and the baby.

They would have their daughter no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. okay SO I have the rest of the fic generally planned out, including some things people have asked for. if any of you have anything else you want to see please let me know!  
> 2\. I have a list of baby names I'm considering so I'm not sure if people would want me to post the choices and then you can vote on them if that's a thing?? let me know that as well and as always just what you thought :)


	8. 24 weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah idk I'm on a roll with writing again but I'm not sure how long I'll keep this up so enjoy this third day in a row update

Jen pulled the car into the driveway, looking at the clock and noting that it was just before 5. _Perfect, just enough time to fuck up a healthy dinner for everyone_. Jen had gotten into the habit of attempting to make dinner most nights for the last month and a half so that Judy would remain off her feet as much as possible. It was huge fight between them at first—Judy didn’t want Jen to go through the trouble while Jen remained firm that Judy listen to the doctors—but finally they came to a compromise where they brought a comfy chair into the kitchen so that Judy could observe and give verbal help while Jen cooked. Unsurprisingly, it was one of Jen’s favorite parts of the day—she had Judy’s undivided attention and always tried making the other woman laugh with how little she knew about food and cooking.

(Jen was pretty sure that Judy thought she was exaggerating most of the time for the sole purpose of making Judy laugh. Jen was actually just that bad in the kitchen.)

While the first few attempts were inedible, they had finally gotten into the swing of it, with Henry and even Charlie helping sometimes as well. The boys had been so good since Judy was put on bed rest; Charlie would help Judy move around the house when she needed to and would bring anything she needed (or wanted) to her. Meanwhile Henry had gotten good at predicting what weird snacks Judy would be in the mood for and could spend hours sitting next to her on the couch, head resting in her lap next to her belly, talking to the baby.

Of all of them, Jen thought that Henry might actually be the most excited. He was constantly talking about what they would do when his ‘baby sister came’ and asked Judy questions about the baby all the time. (“What is she the size of now? Can you feel her moving? When will I feel her moving? How does she breathe in there if it’s all liquid?”) It was never ending, but Judy never stopped smiling through all the questions.

They still had their bad moments—particularly with nightmares—but the therapist had been coming to the house for sessions and having a successful checkup with the doctors every week also seemed to be keeping Judy’s spirits higher than they were 3 months ago after that fateful night.

And Judy was also officially one month past the point of her longest pregnancy—the day she hit 20 weeks was a hard one and Jen didn’t go into work the whole day. She stayed by Judy’s side, making sure she stayed hydrated and comfortable, and distracted her by telling stories about the boys when they were babies.

Then the week came and went, and then 3 more weeks. Now she was 24 weeks pregnant and while still high risk (and still receiving the painful steroid shots every week), passing that milestone definitely lessened some of their stress.

Jen let herself in the front door and was about to call out for the rest of her family when she made out Charlie and Judy’s voices in the den.

“Oh, so you _like_ her?” she heard Judy say.

Like who? Who the fuck did her son like and why wasn’t he talking to her about it?

“I don’t know… I mean how does anybody know if they like anybody?”

Jen stayed right where she was, wanting to hear where this conversation would go. Usually Judy told her about talks she had with the boys, but Jen was curious as to how Judy would take this.

“I feel like… you just like to be around them,” she heard Judy say. “You want to be with them all the time, and they make you feel safe. You can be your best self and your worst self… and you can feel vulnerable with them.”

“Like you and my mom?” Charlie asked.

There was silence.

Fuck. Jen knew that Charlie was perceptive but goddammit—that didn’t mean Judy was. Come the fuck on Charlie, Judy did _not_ need this right now.

Except, Judy finally answered, and her voice was weirdly… calm? Almost wistful?

“Yeah, Char. No one has ever made me feel safer than your mom. She knows all the worst parts of me and she’s still here and taking care of me. I don’t think I could ever repay her enough for that.”

Repay her? Judy didn’t have to _repay_ her. It was Jen’s responsibility to take care of her. It didn’t matter that Jen also happened to be head over fucking ass for her—Judy deserved it. She deserved to be loved and taken care of more than anyone Jen had ever met. It was _Jen_ who could never repay Judy, for the way Judy let Jen be a part of her life, a part of this pregnancy.

“Does she know?” Charlie said, after a pause.

Know what?

 _Know what_?

“Hey Mom! When did you get home?” Henry’s voice came out of _fucking nowhere_.

“Jesus Christ, Hen! You scared the shit out of me, where did you come from?”

Henry looked behind him, slightly alarmed. “Um… upstairs?”

“Jen?” She heard Judy’s voice call.

“Here,” she yelled back. “Just got home.” She finally put her purse down and slipped off her god-forsaken heels. She made her way back into the den and saw Charlie sitting next to Judy with that same fucking calculating stare. She loved her son but God was he a piece of work. She narrowed her eyes back at him but was interrupted by Judy before she could say anything.

“Good day at work?”

Jen looked over to the other woman and fought the rush of stupid warmth in her chest at how cute Judy looked. She was wearing yet another pair of Jen’s pajama pants and hoodies, and was wrapped up in a fleece blanket she had somehow managed Jen to get her (“For the baby, Jen!”) with her fuzzy socked feet peeking out.

“Well, I didn’t make anyone cry today, so does that count as good?” Jen snarked out. However, Judy just simply gave her a knowing smile and shook her head. Dammit, Jen was losing her edge.

“Who’s ready for dinner?” Jen asked. “Do I have any sous-chefs helping me prepare tonight?”

“Me!” Henry jumped up. “Can we make that butternut squash soup Judy likes?” He bounced into the kitchen while Jen watched Charlie get up from the couch with Judy, clearly supporting most of her weight with his arm behind her back. Jen realized with a flash how old he suddenly looked—and how he looked just like Ted. As she followed them into the kitchen she waited until he helped Judy sit back down in her chair before putting her own arm around his back and kissing the side of his head, ignoring him as he pulled away.

“Ew, Mom what the fuck?”

“Shut up, Char,” Jen said. “I’m just proud of you, okay? God, don’t make it a thing.” She winked at him playfully and moved further into the kitchen, getting ready for the chaos that would be making this dinner.

(Though she would never trade it for the world.)

Later on—after bribing the boys to do the dishes with the promise of pizza the next night—Jen was settling down next to Judy on the big couch in the living room. They had stopped sitting outside so much as it got cooler outside, and it just felt easier to keep Judy either in the living room or in their bedroom.

(Because it was _their_ bedroom at this point.)

Tonight was one of the nights that the boys agreed to join them in watching a movie—although whether they would be able to actually all agree on a movie, Jen didn’t know. Judy was laying with her back against on arm of the couch with her legs stretched in front of her and her feet in Jen’s lap, which Jen had grown a habit of massaging every night while they sat together. She had started it as a joke, saying that she needed to wait on Judy hand and _foot_ , but it turned out that they both enjoyed the quiet intimacy of it—even if that was never actually acknowledged.

It was as the boys finally finished the dishes and were arguing over what movie to put on and Jen yelling at them to _hurry the fuck up,_ that Judy let out a slight “oh” and sat straight up on the couch, nearly kicking Jen in the process.

“What is it?

“Is it the baby?”

“Are you okay?”

All three Hardings turned to Judy in panic, questioning at the same time.

Judy’s hand was on her stomach, but instead of fear or pain she had a dazzling smile on her face. Her eyes shined with tears as she nodded her head, saying “I can feel her.”

“She’s kicking?” Henry exclaimed, dropping to the floor right next to Judy’s stomach. “Can I feel?”

“Of course you can,” Judy let out a watery laugh. She took one of Henry’s hands and placed it on the side of her belly, moving their hands around a little bit trying to get another feel.

“You probably scared her away,” Charlie said, although Jen could see the excitement in his eyes.

“Shut up, Char,” Jen said. “Sometimes babies just need to roll around a bit before going back to sleep-”

“I feel it!” Henry shrieked as Jen was finishing her sentence. “I think she likes your voice, Mom,” he looked over to Jen. “Say something else.”

“Boop, I think it’s too early for her to be able to tell the difference between people’s voices,” Jen said. She didn’t want to snap at her baby boy but _fuck that_ , that could not be true. Her heart couldn’t let that be true.

“But she can,” Henry insisted. “She keeps moving every time you talk!”

Jen looked to Judy for help, only to see the other woman looking at her with the softest fucking smile known to mankind.

“Do you want to feel?” Judy asked.

And obviously Jen couldn’t say _no,_ couldn’t deny Judy what she so clearly wanted (and what Jen wanted as well). So she scooted forward on the couch, bending slightly towards Judy as she placed her hand near Henry’s.

“Hey baby,” Jen finally said softly. “You’re causing quite a stir in there.”

And sure enough, as soon as she spoke the words Jen felt a distinct pressure against her hand from the inside of Judy’s stomach. She looked up at Judy wide-eyed, who just nodded in response, smile still not having left her face.

“Holy fuck,” Jen said. “She really can hear us.”

“Yeah, you better start to tone down the fucking language, Mom,” Charlie chipped in, although he was moving closer to the couch as well, clearly also wanting to get in on the moment. Judy waved him down to her stomach, grabbing his hand none too gently and placing it among everyone else’s.

“Say hi to your brothers,” Judy said. “And Jen, she’s your other mom too. Don’t pay attention when you hear her yelling—she loves us.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jen rolled her eyes.

“Whoa!” Charlie said as he felt the kick against his hand that time. “That’s so cool. It’s like a little alien moving around in there.”

“Ugh, Char!”

Charlie looked at his mom with his eyebrows raised, so like her own. “Am I wrong? It’s a little thing floating around in some gross liquid in there kicking at all of us from the inside. How is that not like an alien?”

And as Jen opened her mouth to continue arguing with him Judy just burst out laughing, still holding Henry’s hand on her stomach along with her own. She doubled over, causing Henry to laugh as well until soon enough all of them were falling on one another laughing over God-knows-what.

“Ah, welcome to your family baby girl,” Jen finally said, wiping the laughter induced tears from her eyes and smiling at Judy. “It’s a fucking trip.”

But all Jen could think of for the rest of the night was still wondering what Charlie meant: did she know _what_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie ~gets it~ amirite?
> 
> Also: names! I thought about doing a poll on twitter but my sister/some IRLs follow me so that's out. Therefore my list of names is going here so let me know your thoughts! I chose these based on their meanings and how I think they fit with the story.  
> \- Annie, meaning "grace"  
> \- Beatrice (Bea), meaning "bringer of joy"  
> \- Gwendolyn, meaning "blessed" (yes I know this is christina's character in bad moms lmao)  
> \- Mia, meaning "wished for child"  
> -Theodora, meaning "god given"  
> Someone also made the suggestion of Abby/Abigail after Abe which I like, but the meaning of that is "a father's joy" so... it's up to you guys!
> 
> Sorry for the long note, let me know what you thought and vote on the names I guess?! :)


	9. 30 Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys- I saw the news about DTM and then last night/today everything that happened with Naya Rivera and it's been a really rough few days. I was finally able to distract myself and get out this chapter (which is the longest chapter yet) so I hope you enjoy :)

“What’s on your mind?” Sam asked, causing Jen to barely suppress her eye roll. After continuing to have joint therapy sessions at the house, Jen and Judy had started having individual sessions within the last few weeks as well. Sam suggested it as a way for them to talk alone—since the two women were essentially always together with Judy on bed rest and Jen opting to work from home as much as she could. Currently they did the sessions in the guest house since Judy hadn’t slept there since before she knew she was pregnant.

Judy was now 30 weeks, and in addition to getting the steroid shots every week they had had to start timing her contractions for one hour every day as well. When she hit 28 weeks she started complaining of more cramps and it was yet another fight for Jen to rush her to the hospital. While the steroids were working to keep her out of full labor, Judy was in a constant state of discomfort, having a few small contractions every hour, all day long. The doctor asked Jen to help Judy time them every morning to make sure that they were keeping steady—if they escalated Jen was under strict orders to bring Judy back in.

The stress of it all was definitely wearing Jen down.

Not to mention that in the last 6 weeks she still couldn’t get Charlie and Judy’s conversation out of her head.

_“No one has ever made me feel safer than your mom. She knows all the worst parts of me and she’s still here and taking care of me,” Judy had said._

_“Does she know?”_ _Charlie’s voice had asked Judy_.

And then Henry had interrupted, so Jen didn’t know what Charlie meant. And then they had felt the baby kick—the baby, who still seemed to always come alive at the sound of Jen’s voice.

To which Judy would just smile and smile and smile at Jen.

And Jen had to ignore the urge to kiss Judy senseless.

It had been a long fucking six weeks.

It had been a long fucking 7 _months_.

And Sam wanted to know what was on Jen’s mind?

“I don’t think I pay you enough for that conversation,” Jen tried to joke.

Unfortunately, like always, Sam didn’t take the bait. Fucking therapist.

Jen sighed. “I heard this conversation between Judy and Charlie last month. Most of the time I’m able to forget about it but the further into the pregnancy she gets the less I want to leave her alone and the more time I spend with her the more I think about the conversation and I just can’t stop fucking thinking about it.”

“What was this conversation?”

“Charlie asked Judy how to tell if you like someone… and she said that it’s someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe, yadda yadda. But then Charlie asked if it was how I make her feel and she said yes. And then Charlie asked her if I knew and before she could answer Henry came down the steps, scaring the shit out of me, and I still don’t know what he meant.”

“Well what do you think he meant?”

Fuck Sam and her probing questions instead of answers.

Jen pursed her lips, delaying her answer as long as possible. This is why she hadn’t brought it up until now. She knew that Sam would make her _think_ about it—make her analyze the answer in the way that she was terrified to do.

But she also knew that she needed to do it. She couldn’t keep going on like this until the baby was born. She couldn’t keep the one thought to herself anymore.

“I’m in love with Judy,” she finally said out loud, eyes squeezed shut.

_Fuck. There it is._

She opened her eyes to look at Sam who was looking back at her with an impassive expression.

_Seriously? Even after that?_

“And what are you going to do about these feelings?” Sam prompted.

“Nothing,” Jen said. “I can’t do anything about them. Judy needs me as a friend. She needs me for support and to help her with this pregnancy and this baby. She doesn’t need to worry about what I’m feeling and how it might hurt me that she doesn’t feel the same way.”

“How do you know she doesn’t feel the same way?”

Jen snorted. “Seriously? Look at me. I’m a fucking mess. I yell at everyone all the time; I can’t keep my shit together. And she’s a fucking angel on earth. Why would she ever feel the same way?”

“But didn’t you hear her tell Charlie that you make her feel safe? That you make her feel comfortable?”

“Well yes, but-“

“And that was after she told Charlie what it feels like when you like someone?”

“ _Yes_ , but-“

“So why wouldn’t that mean that she likes—even loves—you back?”

Jen’s mouth snapped shut as she glared at the woman across from her. Goddamn therapist speaking the words that Jen was afraid to hope for. Just because that was the logical explanation didn’t mean that it could be true. She just didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve Judy.

“Can I tell you what I think?” Sam finally asked after a few minutes of sitting in silence.

Jen swept her hand out in front of her in a _go-ahead_ gesture.

“Based on what I’ve learned from you in the past 5 months, you spend a lot of time putting your love into other people while thinking you don’t deserve it in return. As we’ve talked about and worked on before, this belief seems to have stemmed from your marriage with Ted and the way the two of you grew apart—and then him consequently cheating on you after the mastectomy. This made you grow to feel even more unworthy, listening to his words telling you that you were a ‘bitch’ or ‘unlovable’ and the reason he didn’t want to be home.”

Jen shifted in her chair, clenching her jaw to not lash out at the other woman—it wasn’t things she hadn’t already said herself.

And despite everything, she did trust Sam now. She appreciated her no-nonsense attitude and the fact that she would say what Jen was thinking, and force Jen to confront those thoughts out loud.

But that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt to hear it back.

“Now I want you to consider this,” Sam continued. “Through our joint sessions, has Judy ever stayed quiet when you talked about these beliefs, these experiences?”

Jen shook her head.

“She always says it’s not true. Just as you have helped her see the abuse that she endured through Steve and assure her that you’re there for her, why hasn’t it sunk in that she’s doing the same for you?”

 _Well… fuck_.

Sam was right—Judy always did rush to reassure Jen that Ted was wrong. That she was beautiful no matter what. That she loved her.

Jen just never thought that it could possibly be in the same way—just because Jen had fallen in love with the pure sunshine and joy that was Judy Hale, how could Judy have fallen in love with her back?

But… the evidence was kind of there. It was in the way she reassured Jen constantly and supported her through the hard parts in therapy. It was in the way she thanked Jen before bed every night for everything she had done for Judy that day. It was in the way she laid on Jen’s chest, grabbing Jen’s hands so that they could both feel the baby moving early in the morning.

Maybe… just maybe, she did love Jen back.

But.

What if she didn’t? What if it truly was just Judy as a person? She also thanked the boys every night and gave them kisses before bed. She always told Henry when the baby was kicking and asked his opinion on names; asked Charlie about helping set up furniture for the nursery. Just because they were a family didn’t mean that Judy was in love with her, it just meant she felt accepted by all of them as a whole.

“It’s okay if you don’t believe me,” Sam’s voice broke Jen out of her inner turmoil. “But I want your homework for the week to seriously consider talking to Judy about these feelings. Even if you don’t want to specifically say you overheard her conversation with Charlie, you should still start with something. It’s not good for you to internalize all of this stress and anxiety. And don’t tell me it doesn’t matter, because you shouldn’t be stressed either—this baby is both of yours, and she’ll need two healthy and happy mothers. It doesn’t count if one of her mother’s is holding herself back.”

She stood up, prompting Jen to do the same. Then in an uncharacteristic fashion, reached out and squeezed Jen’s arm briefly.

“It will be okay,” Sam said, holding eye contact.

Jen just nodded, unable to respond. She knew that Sam was right, but she also didn’t want her to be.

Fuck her therapist for being so good.

She walked Sam out of the guest house and watched her follow the side path out to the driveway before turning and going back into the main house. Judy and the boys were nowhere to be seen, but the kitchen was devoid of dishes which meant that the boys had actually cleaned up dinner for once instead of leaving her to do it.

It was only 8:30 but Judy had been getting ready for bed earlier and earlier the bigger she got, especially since her body was so weak from being stuck on bedrest for so long. Charlie practically carried her up and down the steps every day and Jen knew that Judy would be waiting in their bedroom for Jen to help her through her nighttime routine.

Dreading the conversation that she knew had to happen, Jen started making her own way upstairs, popping in to say goodnight to the boys before finally entering her room where Judy was laying like a starfish in the middle of the bed, a pillow beneath her back and her eyes shut like she was already falling asleep. Her eyes popped open when Jen opened the door though, and she looked over to the other woman with a tired smile.

“Hey,” she said softly. “How was therapy?”

“Fine,” Jen said. She could hardly meet Judy’s eyes and she could feel her palms starting to sweat and her heart beginning to race.

_Fuck fuck fuck._

“Your back hurt?” she asked Judy, deflecting for as long as possible.

“Always,” Judy groaned. “I’m afraid she’s going to come out a bowling ball.”

Jen snorted. “No daughter of mine could ever be so tasteless. A volleyball, however…”

“Shut up,” Judy said, flapping her arm about like she wanted to give Jen a smack. “Now come over here and massage my back, please.”

“So demanding,” Jen said. But of course she moved over to the bed, helping Judy sit up with a slight grunt and then sliding in to sit behind her. 

“You love it,” Judy looked back at her, smirking.

 _Fuck_.

“I do,” Jen finally said, nearly choking on the words.

She began rubbing Judy’s shoulders, hoping the other woman couldn’t feel how much she was trembling. Or how sweaty her hands were. Gross.

“I… actually wanted to talk to you about that,” Jen said.

“Hmm?” Judy replied, only half paying attention. She let out a borderline pornographic moan as Jen hit a spot on her back, groaning a husky “right there” that derailed all of Jen’s thoughts as she pictured Judy letting out another moan, only this time would be because of her lips trailing down Judy’s neck, followed closely by her tongue…

 _Stop it, Jen! Now is not the time_.

She shook her head lightly, trying to get back on track.

“Well I- I actually heard a conversation. Between you and Charlie… last month,” Jen said. She felt Judy stiffen slightly beneath her hands.

“Oh?”

“He asked you about how you know if you like someone… and then mentioned me. And us. And then he asked you if I knew and I just… I need to know what he meant.” Jen got the words out in a rush, squeezing her eyes shut on reflex and pausing her hands on Judy’s back.

“Jen…” Judy started.

“It’s just, I was talking to Sam about it because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and I have all of these feelings and I didn’t want to burden you with them but she made some really good points and she said that I should think about talking to you but now here I am, talking to you!” Jen let out a burst of slightly panicked laughter, eyes widening as Judy started to turn around to face her.

“What feelings?” Judy asked.

And _wow_ her face was really close. Despite all of the time they spent together, their faces had not been this close in a while. Like, Judy’s lips were mere inches from Jen’s. And her eyes were basically staring into Jen’s soul and she _could not do this_.

“What feelings?” Judy repeated.

Jen opened and shut her mouth, trying to find an answer. “You know,” she said weakly. “I asked you first.”

 _Wow real fucking smooth, Harding_.

But Judy was starting to smile—her special ‘you’re such an idiot’ smile—and suddenly she was moving closer and Jen was panicking because why was she moving closer and then-

 _Oh_.

Judy’s lips touched hers and it was like fucking fireworks went off in Jen’s chest.

Her lips were even softer than Jen had imagined, and they fit so perfectly in between her own. She felt Judy’s hand move up to her hair and suddenly Judy’s mouth was moving, taking Jen’s bottom lip in between her own and sucking lightly before she let out a soft sigh against Jen’s lips.

And it was the sigh that did it, that snapped Jen into motion as she put one hand on the back of Judy’s neck and the other on her lower back, pulling Judy into her. She opened her mouth, prompting Judy to do the same as their tongues touched, lightly at first and then harder, turning the kiss into _more_ , _more._ Jen started leaning forward, turning them so that Judy rolled to the side and then on her back with Jen hovering over her. She pulled back slightly, staring at Judy in wonder before surging forward and pressing her lips the other woman’s again and again and again.

She could feel Judy rocking slightly into her and Jen let out a groan, tearing her lips from Judy’s and resting her face in Judy’s neck. They were both panting, their breath harsh in the otherwise silent room.

“Fuck,” Jen finally said out loud.

She felt Judy let out a giggle underneath her and she let out a slight growl before sitting up and kissing Judy once more. She had never felt like this with anyone else—never felt like she needed the someone else’s lips on hers to live. Never felt like she could combust from the slight touch of a tongue alone.

Judy was going to be the death of her and it was a death she would welcome with open arms.

Every time one of them would pull away the other would surge back for more. Jen couldn’t believe she had gone this long without the other woman, without feeling her this way. Judy’s lips were pliant between her own, submitting to Jen’s control. It was intoxicating and still she needed _more_.

But then Judy was actually pushing her away and Jen realized she was speaking and tried to tune in over the buzzing in her head.

“Stop, Jen, stop.”

Jen pulled back to finally look at Judy again, feeling another surge of arousal at the flush she could see stretching from Judy’s face all the way down her neck and chest.

“I thought we were going to talk about this?” Judy said, slightly out of breath.

And the words snapped Jen back to reality—made her realize that she was straddling her best friend and that said best friend hadn’t actually confirmed her feelings. That they hadn’t had the talk Jen was trying to have. And that that same best friend was now looking at Jen with a… nervous expression? Or was that guilt?

 _Fuck_ , Jen thought. _She doesn’t feel the same. She’s just pregnant and hormonal and this got out of hand and she doesn’t feel the same way_.

She scrambled off of Judy, nearly falling off the bed in the process.

“Wha- Jen? What are you doing?”

“I just need to- I need some air,” Jen choked out, rushing out of the room and ignoring Judy’s calls behind her as she slammed the door.

“Mom?” Charlie popped out of his room. “What the fuck, what’s going on?”

“Everything’s fine Charlie,” Jen said, knowing how crazy she must look. “I just feel like I’m getting a little bug or something. It’s fine, but I’m gonna sleep in the guest house. I don’t want the germs to get to Judy, you know? Just make sure she doesn’t go anywhere and tell Henry he can join her so she’s not lonely, okay?”

She rushed down the hall and flew down the steps, outside and into the guest house without waiting for an answer. She knew that the boys would care more about Judy than they would about following her right now, and that they wouldn’t let Judy follow her all the way into the guest house.

She sank to the floor of the tiny room and a sob ripped its way out of her throat as the past 10 minutes finally caught up to her. She couldn’t believe she had done that. She had kissed Judy, truly _kissed_ Judy, and it wasn’t part of the plan. That wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to talk and Jen was supposed to tell Judy she was in love with her and nothing was going to happen but Jen was going to be honest and trust in Judy and now all of that was ruined.

Jen had broken Judy’s trust, had thrown herself at Judy and Judy didn’t feel the same way—had physically pushed Jen away from her and Jen couldn’t get Judy’s guilty look out of her head. Because she knew that Jen was in love with her and didn’t feel the same way. That was what Charlie meant—if Jen knew that Judy didn’t feel the same.

Jen’s body shook with her sobs at the thought.

She couldn’t believe she had done that.

She couldn’t believe this was happening.

Everything was ruined, and it was all her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😬 
> 
> Jen is an idiot, don't hate me.
> 
> [other sidenote, if anyone is struggling and needs to talk about all the rough things going on (like, basically everything shitty in the world right now tbh] I actually work in the mental health field and am here for anyone if they need it. I've never posted it on here but I'm seeing a lot of people having a hard time as well so my twitter is @lovemcgrath if anyone needs to vent or talk or literally anything. stay safe everyone <3]


	10. 30 weeks con't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit different- you finally get to see some of Judy's POV.
> 
> Also s/o to realthiccbitch for bouncing ideas and my laguna bottoms (+3.5 tops) for helping me with what Jen smells like ;)

_“I just need to- I need some air_.”

Jen’s words echoed through Judy’s mind on a loop along with the look on her face as Judy had pushed her away. Judy couldn’t believe she could be so _stupid_.

 _Stupid stupid stupid_.

Pain ricocheted through her as she grabbed fistfuls of her hair and pulled, shaking her head trying to get the thoughts out.

 _You always ruin everything, stupid bitch_.

Her internal thoughts always started to sound like Steve when she was spiraling, and Jen was always the person who helped her out of it. But now Jen wasn’t here.

 _Because you drove her away_.

“Judy?” Charlie’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. “Holy shit, Judy are you okay?”

She opened her eyes, seeing him in the open doorway and tried to smile at him in reassurance.

(As though the anguish wasn’t clear on her face—as if her face wasn’t a constant barometer of her emotions.)

“Yeah of course,” Judy nodded a bit maniacally. “You know how pregnancy is—all these emotions,” she waved her hands around.

“Then why did Mom just run out of here like your bedroom was on fire and say she was sleeping in the guest house tonight?” Charlie said. The seriousness of his expression reminded her so much of Jen it hurt even more.

_Stupid._

“It’s fine,” Judy said. “She just… forgot she needed to do something. She’s sick. She doesn’t want to worry anyone.” The excuses spilled out of her awkwardly. “Really, it’s okay. Actually, my friend Michelle was going to stop by.”

Charlie narrowed his eyes at her. “It’s 9 o’clock at night.”

Judy nodded quickly again, “Yeah she just wanted to drop something off. Some… lotion. It’s supposed to help relax my muscles or something. She’ll help me if I need something. I’m okay. You can go to bed, okay? Don’t bother your mom.”

The two stared one another down, Judy’s smile threatening to break her face. Finally, Charlie nodded, once, resignation clear on his face. He cared more about not upsetting Judy than yelling at his mom. For now.

“Just yell for me if you need me, okay?” he said.

“Thank you, Charlie.” Judy gave him a genuine smile this time. “I love you.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You too.”

She picked up her phone as he left the room to text Michelle, hoping that the woman really could come over. Michelle had been a lifeline these last few months—when things would get to be too much with Jen, she would go to Michelle to be talked down. Judy knew that Jen didn’t like the other woman, but she couldn’t tell Jen that Michelle wasn’t actually a threat because that would mean telling Jen about her feelings.

But the truth was that from their first conversation where Judy had told Michelle about her family—about Jen and the boys and the baby—Michelle had asked how long they had been together. And that Michelle was shocked when she found out they weren’t; even more so after she met Jen herself and had Jen practically stake her claim.

(Although Judy hadn’t seen it like that, Michelle insisted that Jen felt the same, that she was jealous and felt possessive over Judy.)

Once Judy was on bedrest and constantly around Jen, Michelle let Judy vent about her feelings and how she was struggling not to tell Jen how she really felt, how she was struggling not to make any moves—even though Michelle thought she should. But she just couldn’t do that. Judy always ruined every relationship she had, and she couldn’t ruin what she had with Jen. She was already _so_ lucky that Jen was helping her through this pregnancy, was going to help with the baby. There was no way that Judy could confess what she was feeling and ruin everything they had. Jen was Judy’s absolute everything, her person. And if that meant feeling a constant ache in her chest for the rest of her life then so be it, because at least Jen would be there.

But Michelle… she was Judy’s backbone, her support through this trying time. Even though their friendship was mostly through texting now, and even though Judy wasn’t taking the advice that Michelle wanted her to, Judy knew that Michelle was still there for her no matter what. So she took out her phone to text the other woman.

_Can you come over? I need you._

**??**

**What’s wrong?**

**On my way.**

_Something happened with Jen. Everything’s fine_.

Three dots appeared and disappeared, and then the chat was silent—Judy figured Michelle was on her way. She clutched her blanket and laid down on Jen’s pillow, inhaling the scent of Jen that was ever-present: her intoxicating mix of fresh linen, the faintest whiff of cigarette smoke and the expensive perfume she insisted on wearing.

_“What is that?” Judy had asked after one of their first hugs. “You smell amazing.”_

_“Baccarat Rouge 540,” Jen replied. “It’s what helps sell the houses—you can’t settle for anything less.”_

She shut her eyes tight, trying to keep the tears from escaping and her thoughts from spiraling even further. Luckily it wasn’t too long before she heard a faint knock on the door, the low rumble of Charlie’s voice and then two pairs of footsteps treading up the stairs. She opened her eyes as the door opened, trying not to crumble at the sight of Michelle’s face coming through the door when it was always Jen coming in at the end of the day.

The two women looked at one another for a moment before Michelle finally let out a big sigh, coming to sit on the edge of the bed next to where Judy was laying. “What happened?”

“I kissed her,” Judy whispered. “She kissed me back. We were kissing.”

“Okay… that should be a good thing,” Michelle said, the confusion evident in her voice. “If she kissed you back, where is she now?”

“She left- she- well- we were talking and I don’t know what she was going to say, I just kissed her instead and then I couldn’t stop thinking about what she had been about to say so I stopped her, but then she just left. She ran away and I know it was because I went too far, I pushed her too far.” The sobs finally broke out of Judy as she curled into the baby blanket that was clutched to her chest—the blanket that had seen far too many tears yet was still seeing more. She felt Michelle’s hand rubbing her back awkwardly and felt her chest hurt even more, lacking the comfort that she had always gotten from Jen in these times. And now she had possibly lost that comfort forever.

_Idiot._

“Okay,” she heard Michelle’s voice say again. “Okay, so what was the conversation about?”

“What?” Judy replied, trying to control her sobs.

“You know what, let’s breathe first.” Michelle helped Judy sit up against the pillows and then moved herself so she was facing Judy and squeezed Judy’s hands in hers. “Breathe with me, okay? In… 2… 3… Out… 2… 3…”

Judy shut her eyes as the breaths stuttered out of her, sobs slowly tapering off while Michelle helped regulate her breathing.

“Now, tell me what you were talking about.”

Judy took another deep breath, letting it flow through her body and taking a beat to make sure her heart was starting to slow down—because she also knew the stress wasn’t good for the baby—until finally she felt like she could reply.

“She told me she overheard the conversation I had with Charlie last month. You know the one I told you about?”

“Where he basically called you out for being in love with his mom? Yeah.”

“Well she asked me what Charlie meant when he asked me if Jen _knew_ , and she mentioned talking to our therapist about feelings and not wanting to burden me so I asked her what feelings she meant and she deflected-“ Michelle scoffed at the statement, but let Judy continue after an ineffective glare from the other woman. “-and then I just kissed her. I didn’t even let her finish! And then we were kissing and _God_ she is such a good kisser, like, really even better than I ever imagined—I was feeling it all the way down-“

“I don’t need to know the details,” Michelle interrupted again with a slight grimace. “Okay so it sounds like you were _both_ confessing your feelings for one another… so then what happened?”

“I scared her off,” Judy said. “I came on too strong and she wasn’t ready, she wasn’t okay with it. I basically just jumped her, and I didn’t even have her consent and I ruined everything, just like I told you I would.”

“Let me get this straight. So she brought up a conversation she heard where you were so obvious about your feelings that her own son called you out. And then she tells you that she’s been talking to the therapist about her _own_ feelings—which, according to you, she doesn’t do often—and asks you about what you meant, right?”

Judy nodded.

“So she was being vulnerable, which she only does with you and her sons, talking about feelings, feelings that you _do_ have, and that she most likely reciprocates? And then when you kissed her, she _did_ kiss you back?”

Judy nodded again.

“Well then why am I here?” Michelle said, completely exasperated. “Clearly you’re both in love with each other, so just get her to get her ass back here.”

“It’s not that easy!” Judy protested. “I scared her away. I scare everyone away. She’s just going to leave like everyone else.”

Michelle stared at Judy for a moment, analyzing the other woman. She opened her mouth and shut it a few times, clearly trying to think of how to proceed. “Okay let me ask you this—Jen has stated from the beginning that she’s going to help you with this pregnancy, right? And you both refer to the boys as your sons, and this baby as your daughter? And you sleep together in this bed every night, right? Do you sleep on opposite sides of the bed or close together?”

“Well I was having a lot of nightmares at the beginning of the pregnancy so she would hold me until I fell asleep and now we’re just in the habit of that. But it’s so hard for me to get comfortable, so I move around a lot and I think I keep her awake too and I feel so bad.”

Michelle rolled her eyes slightly before continuing. “You’re telling me she holds you to fall asleep every night… And how do you wake up in the morning?”

A soft smile appeared on Judy’s face as she thought about the answer. “Usually she wakes up first so that she can be ready by the time she helps me get up. But sometimes I wake up to her talking softly to the baby and we stay in bed a little bit longer than we should just talking about her and what she’ll be like.”

“And she helps you with everything, all day long?”

“Well, yes, but I tell her not to. And when she can’t she always makes sure Charlie and Henry are here and it shouldn’t be such a burden on them-“

“Judy,” Michelle interrupted once again. “Jen is in love with you. I have been telling you that Jen is in love with you. But it’s clear that she is truly, really, ass over face in love with you.”

Judy shook her head, “No. I scared her off. You don’t know what Jen is like. I made her confront the feelings before she was ready, I should have just let her talk instead of kissing her and now she’s in the guest house and-“

“Wait she’s still here?” Michelle asked.

“In the guest house,” Judy nodded.

Without even asking Michelle grabbed Judy’s phone off the bedside table and opened it (because of course Judy didn’t have a passcode), pulling up the disgustingly cute text thread between the two women and typing her own message.

_Please come back up here. I need you._

“Michelle, no, don’t!” Judy tried to grab the phone back, but it was too late, Michelle had already pressed send.

The dreaded three dots appeared and disappeared four times before finally disappearing for good.

“She better be on her way up here or I’m going down there,” Michelle said. “I cannot take you two anymore.” She looked up from the screen to see Judy’s eyes welled with tears again and she took the other woman’s hands in her own and looked at her seriously. “It’s going to be okay,” Michelle said. “I promise.”

Judy tried to smile and nod but couldn’t quite get her body to do it. She could feel herself shaking even though she tried to tell herself that Michelle was right. She _did_ need to talk to Jen. She had to find out the feelings that Jen was talking about. And if she could just apologize for moving to quickly then maybe it would be okay.

She would do anything for it to be okay.

“Thank you,” she finally said to Michelle, leaning forward to wrap her arms awkwardly around the other woman, her stomach protruding between them.

“Any time,” Michelle replied, rubbing Judy’s back lightly.

And they were sat like that when the bedroom door opened again, Jen’s voice breaking them apart.

“What the fuck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... well 😬
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!


	11. 30 weeks con't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorter than the last chapter but i didn't want to make you guys wait too too long :)

_“Thank you,” she finally said to Michelle, leaning forward to wrap her arms awkwardly around the other woman, her stomach protruding between them._

_“Any time,” Michelle replied, rubbing Judy’s back lightly._

_And they were sat like that when the bedroom door opened again, Jen’s voice breaking them apart._

_“What the fuck?”_

* * *

“Jen!” Judy sat straight up; Jen noticed her wincing slightly as she wasn’t used to the quick movement.

Michelle stood up from the bed right as Jen turned to leave the room and grabbed Jen’s arm, turning her back around towards Judy none too gently. “I’m leaving, you two idiots need to talk.” And before Jen could say anything back, Michelle left the room and slammed the door shut behind her.

 _Fucking bitch_.

She looked to Judy and bit out: “Seriously? Michelle? I wasn’t even gone for two hours and you’ve already brought her into our bed?”

“Wha- Jen-“

“I mean I know I crossed a line earlier and ran away, but you could have at least had the decency to wait a fucking _night_. I never thought you were cruel, Judy, but I gotta say this fucking hurts.”

“What are you talking about Jen?” Judy asked with a bewildered expression on her face.

Jen knew that she should try to control her anger, but after seeing Michelle with her arms around Judy on _their_ bed she just couldn’t hold back. “Michelle! Clearly you’re together and you didn’t want to tell me until now, which—fine, Judy, I thought we told each other everything, but to bring her into our bed? After I fucking kissed you?” she could feel her body start to shake from the rage that she was feeling—rage she hadn’t felt since the night that Judy confessed to killing Ted.

 _This is why she hadn’t wanted to fucking say anything_.

Judy stared at Jen with an indeterminable look on her face, almost like she was trying to figure something out. Jen just glared back at her, not willing to back down, until finally Judy spoke up again. “Why would you care anyway, if I was with Michelle?”

“Why would I _care_?”

_The fucking audacity._

“I mean we’re not together, are we?” Judy continued.

And fuck, if that didn’t feel like a punch to the gut. Jen sucked a quick breath in, trying to school her expression to keep the pain out but she could feel her eyes filling with tears anyway.

“No, Judy, we’re not together,” Jen snapped. “I just thought that the fact that I’m helping you raise a _baby_ maybe fucking meant something to you, but I guess not.” She pushed her fingers into the corners of her eyes, trying to keep the tears from falling out.

“Does it mean something to _you_?" Judy paused. "Do _I_ mean something to you?”

“Are you kidding me?” Jen cried out. “I’m fucking in love with you, Judy! And it has been killing me inside for _months_ but somehow Sam got me thinking that it would be a good idea to tell you when clearly it fucking wasn’t. But it’s fine, don’t worry about it. Just call Michelle back here and I can leave again.” And her body finally betrayed her at the sentence, a sob ripping from her throat and causing her to double over with the pain that she was feeling.

How did she ever think that it would be okay to love someone this much?

Through her sobs she didn’t hear Judy struggling to get up from the bed, but suddenly there were hands covering her own that were on her face, gently pulling them away. Jen kept her eyes shut tight, not wanting to see the other woman’s pitying expression.

“Jen,” Judy said softly. “Please look at me, honey.”

Jen cracked open her eyes, only to see Judy looking back at her with tears in her own eyes but a smile threatening to overtake her face.

“I’m not with Michelle,” Judy said. “It’s never been Michelle.”

“But…”

“It’s _you_ Jen,” Judy said with a watery chuckle. “I’ve been in love with you since that night on the beach, when you thanked me for coming into your life like a weird little pot fairy.”

_What._

“Jude-“

“I love you, Jen. I am so in love with you.” And with that Judy leaned forward and softly kissed the tears from Jen’s face before placing a lingering kiss on Jen’s lips. She took Jen’s hands back in hers and moved them to her belly. “ _We_ love you.”

Jen let out a fresh sob at the words. How could this be happening? How could the woman she loved, actually love her back?

“I love you too,” she finally said, capturing Judy’s lips once more. The two kissed lightly for a few minutes before Jen’s knees started protesting at the uncomfortable position on the floor—she knew Judy couldn’t be fairing much better. “Come on, Mama, let’s get to bed.” _Their bed. Together_. She couldn’t help the smile she knew was on her face—she was just so fucking happy.

 _Gross_.

She stood up with a slight groan and then held her hands out to pull Judy up as well, stumbling slightly at the momentum. They both started laughing, the atmosphere in the room now joyous instead of tense and crumbling. Judy wrapped her arms around Jen, turning slightly so that her belly was pressed against Jen but she could still bury her face in Jen’s neck. Jen’s arms came around her back like second nature and then one hand moved up to her hair, running softly through the strands. She kissed the top of Judy’s head over and over, and then gasped as she felt a nip on her neck.

“Jude!” she pinched the other woman’s side lightly.

Judy huffed out a giggle against her neck and mumbled “sorry,” but Jen could hear the smirk in her voice.

 _Fuck, she really fucking loved her_.

They finally broke apart and Judy moved back to the bed, getting under the covers as Jen turned off the lights before coming around the other side of the bed to join her. She opened her arms (like she did every night) for Judy to fall into, laying on her side with her head on Jen’s chest and her belly in between them. After a moment of silence Judy started giggling again, softly at first and then growing louder.

“What the fuck is it this time, Judy?” Jen said, although she wasn’t really annoyed anymore.

“It’s just, Michelle was right,” Judy giggled out. “We are idiots.”

“What are you talking about? And why are you still talking about Michelle in _our_ bed?” Jen poked Judy lightly in the side again, making her squirm. Which… maybe wasn’t the best idea and was maybe making Jen feel some things, which was _not_ the point of right now.

Judy shifted so that she was looking up at Jen. “She’s been telling me for months that you felt the same way and that I should just tell you how I felt. And I was so sure that I had scared you off by kissing you without your consent earlier that I called her over and she pointed out all the ways that you had to love me back—one of which was that you hold me as we fall asleep. Every. Single. Night,” she punctuated the last three words with a kiss for each. “You know, she’s the one who texted you from my phone. She’s been rooting for us this whole time. You never had to be jealous.”

Jen stared at her for a moment before blowing out an exasperated sigh. “Well fuck, Judy. Why couldn’t her and Sam have helped us get our shit together sooner?”

“The important part is that we did,” Judy said. “And now I can do this whenever I want…” she kissed Jen’s neck, lightly at first and then with more pressure, darting her tongue out just to hear Jen moan. She moved up Jen’s neck as best she could and crashed their lips together. It was like all the pressure that had built up between them was finally coming out again. Jen slipped her tongue into Judy’s mouth, curling around the other woman’s and then sucking lightly. All Jen knew was Judy’s mouth on hers, their bodies pressed together and the heat curling within her.

A sharp pressure against her stomach suddenly ripped her out of the moment and she realized that it was the baby, kicking at Judy’s stomach.

“I think she’s yelling at us for taking so long,” Judy said, laughing against Jen’s mouth.

Jen moved her hand to Judy’s belly, and then shifted down the bed so her face was resting on it as well. “Sorry we took so long, baby girl. Mama and I won’t be idiots anymore.” She looked up at Judy and gave her a wink before leaning forward and kissing the bump in front of her. Then she sat back up and gave Judy another kiss as well. “Alright Mama, let’s try to get some sleep. You need your rest.”

Judy pouted at her, and fuck if it wasn’t the cutest thing ever. Jen gave her another kiss… then another, before finally shifting so they were back to their original position.

“Goodnight Jude, I really love you.”

“I love you too. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always please let me know your thoughts! there's only like 3-ish chapters left based on my notes so if there's anything you're dying to see speak now or forever hold your peace


	12. 33 Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes this might be the softest thing i've ever written yes i'm also posting this on my own birthday but hopefully this makes up for the extreme sadness of the fic i posted last night xx
> 
> (which if you haven't read it i'm a bit proud of it so you could perhaps go read that as well k thanks bye)

“Happy birthday Judy!” she was woken up by the sound of Henry’s voice overpowering the softer, slightly less enthusiastic voices of Jen and Charlie.

She cracked her eyes open to see the three of them standing next to the bed with Jen and Charlie each holding a tray of breakfast—eggs, pancakes, fresh fruit, and what even looked like her favorite vegan bacon. She looked up to Jen, unable to stop her eyes from tearing up, and Jen gave her a soft nod.

“Are you surprised?” Henry asked, crawling up onto the bed next to her. “I helped Mom with the pancakes—she was burning all of them,” he finished with a whisper and smirk.

“Hey,” Jen kicked at him, sticking her tongue out when he turned to look at her.

Judy was filled with a rush of love—she couldn’t believe that this was her family. Her forever.

She and Jen hadn’t officially told the boys yet that they were together, but Judy was sure that Charlie knew anyway. She had caught him looking at them sometimes with a near smile on his face. She thought about the conversation that had kick started all of this ( _Does she know?_ ) and knew that it would be fine once they told him. Henry would be ecstatic as well, but Jen was still wary and Judy didn’t want to push her. Jen had already done more than enough, and as long as Judy still got her—still got to be held by her at night but also steal kisses and other more intimate moments—she was okay waiting.

“Thank you guys!” Judy said, pulling Henry into her side and kissing his head. “And I’m sure the pancakes are great.” She winked at Jen. “I hope this isn’t all for me?”

“Nope, we’re having breakfast in bed as a whole family,” Jen said. She set the tray she was holding on Judy’s lap before walking around the bed and settling in on the other side of Henry. Charlie set the second tray in front of Henry and Jen and sat down in the middle of the bed so he was facing everyone else.

“Mom said that you don’t usually celebrate your birthday, so we wanted to make sure that this year was extra special. Especially before the baby comes!” Henry said, digging into his own breakfast and missing the look that Judy gave Jen, blinking back tears.

Judy had confided that to Jen a few weeks ago while they were discussing their childhoods—it was something they were slowly working on, opening up to one another about the hard memories and things they didn’t want their own daughter to go through. Judy admitted that more often than not her mom had either forgotten her birthday or simply didn’t have the money to spend on a present; by the time she was an adult she would only tell people her birthday as a fact about herself, but not as a day she actually placed any energy in.

She couldn’t believe that Jen had taken that in and told the boys in a way that Judy somehow knew wasn’t pitying, but so that they could all do something special.

“Well this certainly is my best birthday yet, and my best gift—breakfast in bed with my family.” She picked up her fork and knife and started cutting into her own pancakes.

“Oh that’s not your present,” Henry said offhandedly.

Judy whipped her head to the side to look at Jen, who was avoiding her gaze and picking at her own breakfast of fruit. “Jen?”

She looked up to Judy with a smirk, popping a grape into her mouth in an unnecessarily sexy manner. “I guess you’ll just have to find out.” She raised her eyebrow at Judy’s very bad attempt to glare, only breaking her gaze when Charlie let out an awkward cough.

The family ate in silence for a few minutes until Judy grimaced and started shifting in place.

“You okay, Jude?” Jen asked, reaching her arm behind Henry to place it on Judy’s back. Henry turned to her too, a worried look on his face.

Judy nodded quickly, “I’m fine! She’s just kicking a lot today—not fun on top of the contractions.” They still had to time her contractions every morning and night, and lately they had been getting slightly closer together. The doctor said it wasn’t something to worry about, but they still had to be extra careful—and it didn’t help that the baby was super active. Jen always joked that she was definitely going to be a dancer like her.

(Which Judy not so secretly hoped for as well—picturing Jen helping their daughter with dance definitely made her… feel things.)

Henry leaned down to Judy’s stomach and pointed at it, saying in a stern voice: “Let Mama eat her birthday breakfast.”

Judy’s fork dropped from her hand as she stared at Henry in shock. She looked to Jen who looked much less shocked—why did she look less shocked? She moved her eyes to Henry and then back to Jen and raised her eyebrows. _Did you hear him?_

Jen gave her one of her rare just-for-Judy smiles and nodded. Judy stared back at her, eyes once more welling up with tears but this time they spilled over and she consciously tried not to let a crazy person smile take over her face. Obviously she loved the boys as her own and considered them her family, but she never expected—never dared to _hope_ —that they would ever refer to her as a parent.

She must have been silent a bit too long, though, because Henry was looking up at her, a slightly nervous look on his face. “Is that okay? That I called you Mama? I know that’s what Mom calls you to the baby and I thought it would be kind of confusing to call you both Mom?”

This time Judy couldn’t help the grin from splitting her face. “ _Yes_ it’s okay, Hen.” She wrapped her arms around him as best she could, trying not to dislodge the food on the bed. “I’m honored you would even think of me that way.”

The boy nearly rolled his eyes. “Well of course we do.” Then his face went back to slightly nervous. “Don’t you think of us as yours too?”

“Of course,” Judy said. “I love you so much.” She looked to Charlie who had been silent this entire time, but actually had a slight smile on his own face. " _All_ of you.”

Jen rolled her eyes (even though Judy could tell she was loving this as well) and started to get off the bed. “Okay enough of this mushy crap. Henry and I are going to take the dishes downstairs and Charlie will help you up to your present.”

“ _To_ my present?”

“You’ll see,” Jen said with a wink, picking up one of the trays and handing it to Henry once he got off the bed, then grabbing the other tray for herself. She walked out of the room without a backwards glance and Judy knew it was just to make her curiosity burn. She turned to Charlie who was now lounging with his arms back behind him. “Any hints?”

He smirked, looking entirely too much like Jen for his own good. Judy narrowed her eyes, trying (and failing, obviously) to get him to crack. “Fine, we can just sit here in silence then.”

“Or we can talk about the fact that you and my mom are finally together.”

_Fuck_.

Judy opened and closed her mouth, trying to think of a response. “We’re not- she hasn’t-“ Charlie raised his eyebrow and Judy sighed, knowing there was no use. “She didn’t want us to tell you guys yet.”

“Why the fuck not? Anyone with eyes can see that you’re up each other’s asses in love.”

“Language,” Judy admonished lightly. But she knew that Charlie was right—Judy’s face was a barometer of her emotions. She was sure that bedrest was the only reason stopping other people from figuring out they were now together. “She’s just nervous. She doesn’t want you to forget your dad… or think I’m replacing him.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Well if she would just talk to us then she would know we don’t think that. Henry has asked me multiple times when you guys are getting married. We loved our dad, but Mom never looked like this when she was with him. You make her happy. You make all of us happy.” He shifted on the bed and broke eye contact, mumbling out the last part.

Judy tried to stop herself from crying again. Luckily Jen’s voice yelling as she came up the steps prevented Judy from saying anything to make Charlie even more uncomfortable with his emotions.

“Let’s go Char, we don’t have all day!”

“Actually we do have all day—Judy can’t go anywhere,” Charlie yelled back as he got off the bed, but he winked at Judy as he said it, just wanting to rile Jen up. She couldn’t help the snort that came out—she really loved her family. Charlie put his arm around Judy’s back and practically lifted her off the bed, helping to support her weight as they started walking out the room and down the hall towards the boy’s game room. Only as Charlie pushed the door open Judy saw that it wasn’t the game room anymore—it was a nursery.

“ _Jen_ ,” she breathed out. “What did you do? _How_ did you- What?” Charlie was definitely holding most of her weight now as it felt like her legs might give out from shock.

The walls were painted a soft cream with one accent wall painted a deep sunshine yellow. There was a white wood crib and changing table set up on adjacent walls, with a rocking chair in the corner and a daybed on the third wall. The crib sheets were a soft coral color while the sheets on the daybed were a light teal, with a fluffy white down comforter on top. The rocking chair was adorned with pillows that each had a cartoon animal on it and there was a plush white carpet in the middle of the floor. There were gauzy white curtains pulled back from the bay window behind the daybed and Judy noticed 2 framed paintings above the changing table.

“Charlie and Henry each did a painting for the baby,” Jen said, noticing where Judy’s gaze was. “We all got _very_ good at painting the last few months.”

“Whenever you thought I was playing video games, Mom was having me paint the walls and then we would work on the furniture together during your afternoon nap,” Charlie said. He was radiating pride and Judy felt proud of him herself at the sight.

“But how did you get all of this _in_ here? How long did this take?”

“You kind of sleep like the dead, Judy,” Charlie said. She shoved him lightly and he just kept his hold on her back, unbothered.

“Do you like it?” Henry came to stand in front of her. “I think it’s kind of boring but Mom insisted that you would like it.”

“I love it.” Her voice cracked on the last word. “Thank you guys, _this_ is really the best birthday gift ever.” She looked to Jen and couldn’t help the fact that she knew love was shining in her eyes—Charlie already knew anyway.

Jen stepped forward to take Judy from Charlie and led her to the rocking chair so that she could take in the room more comfortably. “I also thought that once the baby was born you could paint something to put above her crib? And add any other artwork you wanted. And anything else you want!”

Judy took her hand to stop her rambling. “It’s amazing. Really—I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

And she really couldn’t. Steve had let her decorate the one nursery, sure, but he made her feel judged for every choice she made—whether it was the color of the walls or the jungle theme she tried to create—telling her it was cheesy and overdone. And while Judy still loved the idea of a themed nursery, somehow what Jen had created was more perfect than she ever could have imagined. It was simple and modern, but the pops of color and design made it a perfect mix of the two of them.

“I also said that you should put her name above her crib, that way she knows it’s hers!” Henry said, flopping down on the rug.

“You know we still need to think of the name, Boop.” Jen squished into the chair with Judy, thankful she had gone for the extra wide model because she knew that the two of them would end up snuggling in it. (Which of course Judy was already doing—wrapping her arm around Jen’s waist and resting her head in Jen’s neck. Somehow pregnancy had made her even _more_ affectionate.)

“My vote is still for Mary.”

Jen made a disgusted face. “I am not naming my daughter after someone in the Bible,” she said, making Judy laugh. She didn’t care about that, but she did agree that Mary wasn’t the best name.

(She also couldn’t stop her heart from fluttering at once again hearing Jen say ‘my daughter.’)

“I think you should name her Lara,” Charlie said, smirking at his mom.

“We aren’t naming her after a fucking video game character either.”

The family went back and forth, arguing about names, while Judy just took it all in. Seven months ago Judy wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to keep this family that she had found—if Jen would ever even forgive her after learning the truth. And now she was here, finally carrying her baby and being taken care of by the woman of her dreams; accepted into the family by the two boys she now considered her sons; and listening to them argue over the baby girl who would be all of theirs.

She couldn’t have imagined a happier birthday if she tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, please let me know your thoughts! we're getting towards the end of this


	13. 35 Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends, i'm going on a small vacation and promised my laguna bitches i would get this next chapter done before i leave
> 
> s/o to @realthicbitch for beta'ing this literally as i wrote it, you're the best and ilysm
> 
> (also rating bumped up to E for this chapter i guess 😬)

It was after dinner Friday night and Jen was running a bath for her and Judy. The closer Judy got to her due date, the closer together her contractions were —and the more uncomfortable she got. She constantly reassured Jen and the boys that she was fine, but Jen could see her wincing more often than not and shifting around on the bed trying to get comfortable.

(She rarely left their bed anymore—even though Charlie didn’t mind basically carrying her around—even though all Jen and the boys did was reassure her that it was their job now to take care of her—it made Judy feel too guilty to rely on him.)

They had ordered a pizza for dinner because Judy was craving it— _margherita pizza pleeease Jen I need it_ —and ate as a family piled on Jen and Judy’s bed together. It turned out that they didn’t even need to officially tell Henry that they were together after he walked in their room with breakfast one morning and Judy was wrapped up in Jen’s arms. The boy didn’t even bat an eye; he just continued walking to the bed with the food and laid in between them.

(He also continued to call Judy ‘Mama,’ which seriously fucking warmed Jen’s heart, but that was not the point.)

The point was that Judy was uncomfortable, and Jen was going to do everything she could to help since she couldn’t actually carry the baby to term and birth it herself just to spare Judy the pain.

And maybe she was hoping that Judy would ask Jen to join her; hoping that she could observe Judy’s pregnancy body without guilt, could finally show Judy the love and worship she’d been feeling this whole time. It was still crazy for Jen to realize—even just to believe—that Judy was hers, that she wanted Jen in the same way, that this really was their forever. But they had also been taking things slow. Not just because Judy was extremely pregnant and uncomfortable, but because they didn’t want to mess things up.

( _Jen_ didn’t want to mess things up.)

She was actually fairly certain that Judy wanted them to be doing more; she had caught Judy looking at her with pupils blown and tongue glancing over her lips far too many times to be innocent. And maybe Jen had pulled the doctor aside at Judy’s last appointment and been told that sex wouldn’t hurt Judy or the baby.

So.

She wasn’t going to assume things for tonight but… she was running Judy a bath. She checked the water temperature, lit a lavender scented candle, dimmed the lights, and then went back into the bedroom where Judy was lounging on the bed looking at her phone.

“You ready?” Jen said, causing Judy to look up at her, expression immediately warming as she nodded. Jen moved forward, slipping her arm around Judy’s back for support as she helped her up from the bed. They walked slowly to the bathroom and Judy let out a soft gasp as they stepped through the doorway.

“Jen! You didn’t have to make it all fancy.”

Jen rolled her eyes. “It’s just a candle and some mood lighting, it’s nothing.”

Judy turned in her arms, looking up at her with unabashed adoration. “It _is_ something, because it’s from you. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Jen struggled not to roll her eyes again. Judy was also increasingly weepy over the smallest things. While it was fucking adorable, Jen also never quite knew how to react.

“Alright, let’s get out of these clothes,” Judy said with her signature smirk, looking Jen up and down.

Jen tried to smile back, but she must not have accomplished it very well because then Judy’s expression turned serious. “You know I was joking, right? I mean of course I want to see you naked, like have you _seen_ yourself? Jesus Christ Jen- sorry, not the point,” she interrupted herself. “I just think it would be nice to sit with you in that way… just comfortable, together.” Her face was beat red as she finished talking and she was avoiding Jen’s eyes, which just wouldn’t do.

“Of course I’m comfortable with you,” Jen said, grabbing Judy’s chin so the other woman would look into her eyes. “I just didn’t want to assume-“

“Always assume,” Judy said quickly. She leaned up, gently capturing Jen’s lips with her own, kissing her lightly a few times before pulling back away. “I love you.”

And even though it had been just over a month of being together (and even longer that Jen had been in love with her) she still couldn’t help the fucking butterflies crashing around in her stomach at the words.

“I love you too,” she said back. “Now let’s get in this bath before the water gets cold.” She gave Judy a playful smack on the ass. Judy gasped and then shot Jen a smirk before undoing the tie on her robe and slipping it off, revealing that she wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

Jen felt all of her blood rush down at the sight.

 _Fuck_.

Her eyes roved over Judy’s body, fully taking in the swell of her stomach and her breasts that had been enlarged by pregnancy. There was no insecurity in Judy’s stance—Jen could tell that she truly felt comfortable, beautiful like this—and she was; she was the most beautiful woman Jen had ever seen.

“You’re gorgeous,” she breathed out, finally moving her eyes back up to Judy’s own. Judy smiled before stepping forward and grabbing the bottom of Jen’s work shirt, pulling it from her pants and starting to unbutton it before finally slipping it off her body. She looked at Jen’s bra for a moment before looking up into Jen’s eyes and reaching her arm behind them, to Jen’s bra clasp.

Jen stiffened at the contact but took in the reassurance in Judy’s eyes—she wasn’t Ted; she was Judy, and she had never made Jen feel anything but beautiful. So she nodded her head slightly and felt Judy’s fingers tug at the clasp before the garment was loosening and falling down her arms. Judy looked back down for a moment, eyes taking in the scars on Jen’s chest, before she leaned forward, kissing them lightly.

“Beautiful,” she said as she pulled back.

And Jen could see that she meant it—could see the love and ever-present desire in her eyes. So she moved her own hands to the button of her pants, shimmying her pants and underwear down at the same time and stepped out of them, leaving her just as bare as Judy.

“Jesus Jen,” Judy said. She licked her lips lightly and Jen could see her pupils dilating in the dim light.

(This night was definitely going where she hoped it was going.)

“Come on Mama,” Jen said, taking Judy’s hand and leading her to the tub. She put an arm around Judy’s back, supporting the other woman as she stepped into the tub and then guided Judy’s body down gently until she was sitting before stepping in herself and settling herself behind Judy, arms wrapped comfortably around her stomach.

“Ugh, this water feels _amazing_ ,” Judy groaned out. Jen felt herself clench at the sound, wondering if Judy would moan like that for other reasons.

 _Not yet, Jen, Jesus_.

Judy leaned her head back so it was resting on Jen’s shoulder and shut her eyes. “I haven’t felt this comfortable in days. _Someone_ doesn’t want to stop moving.”

Jen chuckled, squeezing Judy lightly and rubbing her hands over Judy’s stomach. “She’s just excited to meet us.”

“Or she takes after her Mom and has never heard of patience.”

The words were joking but Jen still felt the familiar pang in her heart at Judy calling her ‘Mom.’ When had she gotten so fucking soft?

“Well lucky you, you get me and three kids with no patience.”

Judy opened her eyes to look up at Jen and gave her a soft smile, “I wouldn’t want it any other way.” She turned her face to the side and kissed Jen’s neck, once, then twice, then opened her mouth a bit on the next kiss. Jen let out a light moan at the contact and then felt Judy’s tongue running up the length of her neck to her jaw. She took one of her hands off of Judy’s stomach and brought it up to cup her cheek, pulling her lips up for an almost sloppy kiss. “ _God_ , Jen, I want you so bad.”

 _Fuck_.

Jen’s hips bucked slightly at the words and she could feel herself throb, aching to be touched. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Judy continued, kissing Jen’s mouth, cheeks, chin, in between sentences. “Sometimes I wake up in the morning so fucking wet for you.”

And like… holy shit did Jen never expect this from Judy. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the hormones or if Judy was a talker, but it was making Jen _want_ in a way she never had with Ted, never had with anyone.

“Are you wet now?” Jen breathed into Judy’s ear.

The other woman let out a low moan, “Fuck, yes.” Jen could feel Judy rocking slightly in front of her, hips shifting emptily in the water.

“Do you want me to do something about it?”

“ _Jen_ , please.” She grabbed the hand that was still on her belly and pulled it between her legs forcefully, causing some of the bath water to splash over the sides and Jen couldn’t even find herself to care, couldn’t be annoyed at the mess when she could really feel how wet Judy was despite the water in the bath itself. She ran a finger lightly up Judy’s slit, suddenly needing to clamp her other hand over Judy’s mouth at the guttural moan she let out. “Feels so good,” she tried to say into Jen’s hand.

Jen added a second finger, rubbing up and down before swirling them around Judy’s clit, avoiding where she needed her most. Judy’s body was still rocking and her eyes were shut tight at the sensation. Jen felt Judy’s arm shift and looked down to see Judy taking her own breast in her hand, rolling a nipple between her fingers and letting out another moan into Jen’s palm. 

_Jesus Christ._ How was it even possible for someone to be this sexy?

Finally she moved her fingers again and pressed hard onto Judy’s clit, causing her hips to shoot forward and more water to splash out of the tub. She kept her two fingers pressed together, moving them in rhythmic circles, alternating between hard and soft pressure, paying attention to the noises Judy was making and the way her body was reacting. Judy’s body started to feel like it was vibrating and Jen could see her legs shaking beneath the water. She moved her fingers down to Judy’s entrance, pushing in one finger, then two. Judy was keening high in her throat and Jen pressed her other hand down harder, still trying to muffle the noise as much as possible.

(But fuck if she couldn’t wait to really hear Judy when the boys weren’t around.)

She could feel her wrist starting to cramp at the angle but she worked through it, thrusting her fingers in and out as Judy’s hips tried to meet her. She felt Judy trying to say something and moved her hand to the side hearing, “more, _more_ , I want another” and it took her a moment to realize Judy wanted a third finger.

 _Fuck_. 

She pulled out, positioning her three fingers together then before pushing back in, marveling at the tight stretch she could feel around her fingers—it felt so fucking good, and based off of Judy’s groan she agreed.

She started thrusting harder then, feeling Judy’s hips bucking harder as well as she continued squeezing her own nipples, and then moved her other hand down to start rubbing her own clit furiously. Her legs started shaking again causing the water to splash out of the bath on both sides, her moans growing higher against Jen’s skin until finally Jen could feel Judy clenching around her fingers so tightly she could hardly move them—her back bowed up as her entire body tensed, mouth opened against Jen’s palm in a now silent scream before she slumped back against Jen. 

“Holy fuck, Jen,” she finally said, breath coming out in harsh pants. 

Jen agreed—who knew that seeing a woman come would become her one of her top favorite sights?

(Although she would definitely need to keep trying it just to make sure.)

“Good, huh?” is what she responded, though, not wanting Judy to know how much the experience had fucking effected her—there was no way Judy could reciprocate in this state, and Jen definitely didn’t want her to try. She could wait (would wait) until Judy was more comfortable. 

Because obviously Judy’s comfort was all that mattered to Jen.

Even if she could still feel herself throbbing, could still feel Judy herself clenching lightly around her fingers with aftershocks. 

She pulled her fingers out gingerly, feeling Judy’s body let out a final shudder, and felt slightly disappointed at the fact that the water meant she wouldn’t be able to taste her—not yet, at least. Which, speaking of the bath water… she looked down at them, seeing that the water was significantly lower than when they got in the bath. _That_ would be a fucking nightmare to clean up. 

Judy peeked over the side, seeming to have the same train of thought, and let out a slightly delirious sounding giggle at the sight. “Oops,” she said, shooting a smile over her shoulder at Jen. 

Jen narrowed her eyes. “You’re lucky you’re cute. Now come on, let’s get out so I can clean this mess up.”

She stood up first, stepping out of the bath and grabbing her towel from the rack to wrap around herself before turning around and helping Judy, careful to make sure the other woman didn’t slip. She took Judy’s towel off the rack then as well and wrapped it around her, unable to stop herself from leaning forward and giving Judy a light kiss on her lips, then her nose. 

“What was that for?” Judy said, nose scrunched up. 

Jen shrugged. “Just because.” She then bent down and grabbed the robe that Judy had been wearing, helping Judy dry off before handing it to Judy to put back on. “Now go get in bed, I’ll clean this up.” She watched Judy practically waddle out of the bathroom and smirked to herself at the sight—she was so fucking cute. 

She opened the linen closet behind the door and was taking out towels to dry the floor when she heard Judy yelling for her, the tone all wrong.

“Jen?”

She dropped the towels and rushed into the bedroom where Judy was standing next to the bed in a puddle of water.

Wait-

“Jen, I think my water just broke.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special thanks as always to @realthicbitch for beta'ing as i write and also for all of the encouragement and constant begging to get these chapters done <3
> 
> (also i am clearly NOT a doctor, all medical stuff is just taken from what i know of mine and my sister's births! sorry 2 my mom)

“Okay Judy, you’re just over 6 centimeters dilated so you’ve still got a little ways to go,” the doctor said.

They had been at the hospital for about 15 hours now and Jen couldn’t believe how well Judy was doing. Her face was flushed red and covered in a sheen of sweat, her bangs plastered to her forehead and hair thrown back into a messy ponytail, and to Jen she had never looked more beautiful. She had hardly complained about the contractions—“I’ve been having them for months now Jen”—and seemed mostly content to just sit with Jen and talk, occasionally walking up and down the hallways to see if that would progress anything.

It was a stark contrast from when her water broke, for which Jen was also thankful—Judy and the baby did not need that stress.

\---

_“Jen, I think my water just broke.”_

_Jen stood there in silence, mouth gaping, until Judy’s words finally caught up to her. “Holy shit, Jude. We have to get to the hospital.” She flew over to her dresser, scrambling for a t-shirt and leggings to put on and throwing a pair of her old sweats and a worn-out college tee (which were now some of Judy’s favorites) at the other woman. “Do you need help getting dressed?” she didn’t wait for an answer as she opened the closet door, grabbing the ‘to-go’ bag she had packed literally two days before._

_Thank God the doctor had told them to plan further ahead than a normal couple._

_She turned around to see Judy still standing there, looking down at her stomach and the fluid beneath her._

_“Jude, baby.” Jen walked up to her slowly and reached out to put one of her hands on top of Judy’s. “You gotta get dressed, it’s time to go.”_

_Judy looked up at Jen with a near anguished expression. “But it’s not time yet, Jen! We aren’t ready—she’s not ready!”_

_Jen moved her hands to Judy’s face, cupping her cheeks lightly. “I think this is her telling us she is ready, hon. Now let’s get dressed so we can get to the hospital, the doctors can tell us what’s going on.”_

_Judy nodded and slipped off her robe, pulling on the t-shirt as Jen helped her into the sweatpants._

_“The floor-“ Judy tried to say._

_“It’s fine,” Jen said. “We don’t need to worry about that right now. Char!” she called._

_A moment later Charlie burst into the room with Henry right behind him._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Is Judy okay?”_

_“The baby seems to be coming a little bit early but it’s gonna be okay, I just have to get Judy to the hospital, okay?” Jen reassured them. “Charlie I need you to help Judy out to the car, I’m just gonna get our phone chargers and some snacks.”_

_Charlie nodded, lips drawn tight in a slightly worried expression, and moved forward to wrap his arm around Judy for support. Jen darted from the room ahead of them knowing that the stairs would take a while and raced around downstairs, looking for the extra charger she knew Judy kept near the couch, then grabbing a couple of granola bars and a water bottle—who knew what the hospital vending machines would hold._

_(Plus, Jen didn’t think she would be leaving Judy’s side at all anyway.)_

_She got to the car around the same time as Charlie and Judy, with Henry following closely behind._

_“You boys stay here, okay? Babies can take a long time to get here and I’d rather you be safe at home than having to sit in a waiting room all night.”_

_Henry opened his mouth as if to protest, but Charlie put his hand on the boy’s shoulder to stop him and nodded._

_“Can you text me updates?” he asked Jen._

_Her heart panged—her sweet boy. She couldn’t believe how much he had grown up in the last year, how much of a good man he was starting to become._

_“Of course. And once the baby is here I’ll have Christopher come bring you to the hospital to meet her.”_

_Charlie nodded again before stepping forward to give Jen a hug, squeezing tightly for a moment before stepping back and reaching down to squeeze Judy’s arm as well. “Good luck.”_

_Henry reached into the car to give Judy a hug, tucking his head into her neck. “I love you, Mama,” Jen heard him say softly._

_(And no her eyes did not start welling with tears at the statement.)_

_“Love you too, Mom.” Henry hugged her quickly as well before stepping back beside his brother._

_Jen rounded the other side of the car to get into the driver’s seat, taking a deep breath before putting on her seatbelt and starting the car._

_“I’ll keep you updated,” she called out the window as she started to back out of the driveway. “Go to bed at a reasonable hour, you can skip school tomorrow—don’t make me regret it!”_

\---

She had been texting Charlie on and off since then (only a little bit annoyed that there was just a mere 5 hour window where he stopped answering to sleep) but she was glad that they were at home instead of waiting at the hospital.

Her own labor with Charlie had been fucking _long_ —about 40 hours—but Henry had been a blissful 8. 

“What do you think she’s gonna look like?” Judy’s voice broke Jen out of her thoughts.

Jen tried to scoot her chair impossibly closer and reached up to brush some of Judy’s hair off of her forehead.

“I hope she has your dimples,” Jen said. “And your smile.” She moved her hand down Judy’s cheek causing the woman in question to show said smile (And Jen to mirror it back. She fucking loved Judy’s smile lines.)

“I hope she has your eyes,” Judy said wistfully.

“Jude… you know she isn’t biologically mine, right?”

“She could still have your eyes!”

“In what possible world could she have my eyes?”

“Well Ste-“ her voice broke off at Jen’s glare, “the _sperm donor_ had blue eyes, but sometimes there could be a green tint to them. You know, like the ocean? And I just feel like mixed with my boring brown eyes-“

“Your eyes are anything but boring, Jude.”

“- that she could have green eyes one day!”

She looked at Jen like she was pleading, her own eyes furrowed wide like some sad fucking puppy who only had this one wish.

Jen sighed. What she wouldn’t do to make this woman happy.

(But seriously—there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do to make Judy happy.)

“Okay, she can have my eyes.”

Judy’s smile lit up her whole face at the response, making Jen wish that the baby really _could_ have her eyes, if only to keep Judy smiling like that.

Judy opened her mouth to say something else but grimaced in pain, doubling over with a contraction. Jen grabbed her hands and squeezed, wishing she could take the pain instead. 

Except this time it was different—Judy was squeezing her hand harder than she had been, her eyebrows furrowed to an extreme and her mouth open in a silent scream.

“Judy? Judy what is it?” Jen reached for the button on the bed to call in a nurse, hitting it repeatedly until someone came in. “She needs help, something’s wrong—this isn’t a normal contraction.”

The monitors were now beeping wildly and Jen stepped back as far as she dared to give the nurse room while still holding Judy’s hand. The nurse pressed the call button on Judy’s bed again and then grabbed the ultrasound machine that was near the bed. She pulled up Judy’s gown and quickly squirted the gel on her abdomen before moving around the wand. 

“Get the doctor in here,” the nurse said when another one finally came into the room. She finally turned to Jen and Judy. “The baby is in distress and I’m not positive what’s causing it. We’re going to have the doctor check you both out but we may have to prepare for a C-section.”

Jen felt herself gripping Judy’s hand just as hard.

“Is that risky? Will Judy be okay?”

“Will the baby be okay?” Judy added.

Before the nurse could answer the doctor came in and took the ultrasound wand, moving it around herself. Jen’s stomach felt like it was caught in her throat as she watched the doctor’s expression while she worked. 

“Call up to the OR and tell them to prep,” she finally said to the nurse still standing by. 

“OR? I have to have the C-section?” Judy’s voice was panicked and Jen could feel her hand trembling now.

“We need to move quickly,” the doctor said firmly, but not unkind. “The baby’s oxygen levels look like they’re dropping which means the umbilical cord is likely wrapped around her neck. Once we remove her we can check her stats and give her extra oxygen if need be.” She popped up the sides of Judy’s bed and started to wheel it out of the room and Jen rushed to follow them.

“Is it safe? What’s going to happen? Is there a risk for Judy?” Jen was trying to stay calm when all she really wanted to do was shout _what the fuck_ at everyone moving around her. 

“You need to stay in the waiting room,” the doctor finally addressed Jen. “Judy will be put under general anesthesia; I’ve done hundreds of C-sections. They’ll both be in great hands. Now we need to move.”

“Jen!” Judy reached her hand out, her eyes wide in terror. “It’s going to happen, I’m going to lose her. I knew that this would happen I knew that I couldn’t have this baby we got too excited and now she’s going to-”

Jen stopped her with a quick but forceful kiss. “You are not losing this baby. _We_ are not losing this baby. You heard the doctor, they know what they’re doing. They’ll keep you both safe.”

They were approaching the doors to the operating suites and Jen knew she wouldn’t be able to follow. “I love you.” She kissed Judy again and wiped a tear that was rolling down her cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”

And as the doors shut behind them, Jen felt Judy taking her heart with her. 

Her girls better fucking be okay.

She paced around the waiting room for what felt like hours, only pausing when she got a text from Charlie that just said “ _baby yet?_ ” and then it felt like all of the air got sucked out of the room and her vision went black. She couldn’t get her lungs to breathe, couldn’t feel her body at all, could only feel the sheer panic at the worst possibilities that she might have to present to her children. 

They had already lost a father—if Judy or the baby… _no_. It couldn’t happen.

She dimly heard a choking sound and realized that it was her, still struggling to catch her breath. 

“Come on sweetie, head between your knees, that’s it.”

She realized she was sitting on a chair now and someone was talking to her, guiding her head down and rubbing a hand over her back. 

“Deep breathes now, let your head clear, it’s okay.”

Slowly the black spots faded from her vision and she felt just a faint ringing in her ears. Her breaths were ragged and a sob was pulled from her chest, followed by another until she was sitting there, sobbing into some fucking random nurse’s shoulder when it should have been Judy’s, and it should have been happy sobs at meeting their daughter, together. 

“Ms. Harding?”

She snapped her head up towards the voice, seeing that the doctor must have just come through the doors.

“Judy?” she rushed out.

“Take a deep breath,” the doctor said. “We did have to resuscitate the baby, but her oxygen levels came up quickly and she’s doing just fine now. She’s on the small side--four pounds, three ounces—so we’ll have to keep her in an incubator just to help regulate her body heat, but once she shows that she’s able to gain weight and regulate it herself she’ll be able to go home.”

“And Judy?” Jen pressed.

“She’ll be okay as well. Her body did go into shock at the surgery, but that’s not uncommon. She just may take a bit longer to wake from the anesthesia so her body and mind have a bit more of a chance to heal and rest.”

Jen nodded, trying to focus on the positives. 

The doctor smiled now. “Would you like to meet your daughter?”

 _Fuck_. She had a _daughter_.

Jen nodded again, this time with tear filled eyes. 

“We’ve moved her into a room with your wife, you’ll be able to take her out and hold her for short periods of time.”

And before Jen could correct her she was walking, leaving Jen no choice but to follow.

(And think about how good _wife_ really sounded.)

Soon after they were stopped outside of a room and Jen could see Judy on the bed, but her eyes were immediately drawn to the machine beside her. A baby was in there? _Her_ baby was in there?

She walked forward, breath catching at the sight of the baby girl before her. She was perfect. Already she had a thick head of dark hair, and what looked like it could be a dimple on her left cheek. Jen looked her over from top to bottom, counting her fingers and toes—she couldn’t believe how _small_ she was. How would she not break her?

Fuck, she was the most beautiful baby Jen had ever seen.

(Sorry, boys.)

“You can hold her,” the doctor said softly, startling Jen. She opened the side of the incubator and reached inside, carefully pulling the baby out and then placing her in Jen’s arms.

“She’s so light,” Jen murmured. She could feel her eyes welling with tears—Judy should be awake for this. Judy should be the first one to hold their daughter. 

She walked over to the bed, sitting in the chair next to it as carefully as possible, not wanting to do anything to jostle the baby. She tore her gaze from their daughter’s face to look at Judy, trying to forget the expression of terror that she had worn when Jen last saw her. 

“She’s here,” Jen said, wishing she could be holding Judy’s hand as well. “She’s here and she’s perfect. She’s so fucking perfect, Jude. You did so so well. I’m so proud of you. Now I just need you to wake up so you can meet her too, okay? Don’t make us wait any longer.” She let out a watery chuckle and looked back down to the baby. “She doesn’t even have a name yet… you said you had to see her first. So open your eyes for me, Jude.”

She tried to hold back more tears that wanted to fall—she knew Judy was going to wake up, she just needed it to be _now_. She didn’t want to wait a minute longer; she wanted to share this moment.

The baby started squirming a bit and Jen’s heart jolted, terrified to hurt her. “Shh, shh, it’s okay baby girl. You’re okay.” She bent down to press a kiss to the baby’s forehead and breathed her in, still in disbelief that she was really here. With her eyes closed and her face pressed close to their daughter’s she almost missed the voice that she had been begging to hear.

“Mia.”

Jen's eyes popped open and she pulled back to see Judy staring at them, eyes cracked and a groggy smile on her face. 

“Her name is Mia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand she's here! any guesses for the middle name? (hint: i am taking it from one of you)
> 
> we're nearly done so please let me know your thoughts and if you have any special requests before we get to the end :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well folks we did it, we made it to the end! it's been brought to my attention that this has the second most hits and fifth most kudos in the J/J tag which is absolutely INSANE, so thank you all so much??
> 
> big thanks to my laguna bitches, because i genuinely don't think i would have finished this without all of your support, especially for the end (with a special thanks to my wife everydaybicon for the help with this final chapter!) i love you all endlessly
> 
> and credit to Even Tually for the middle name! thank you for all your reviews/support/input!

Judy wakes, automatically reaching behind her to the empty spot where Jen should be. She looks to the clock—12:06am. She then looks to the baby monitor on her nightstand and sees that the volume is turned almost all the way down, with barely distinguishable noises coming from it.

She feels the familiar pang of fond annoyance. It’s been 4 months now and Jen still acts like Judy is on bedrest sometimes. It was especially bad in the beginning—Jen didn’t want her getting up for any midnight feedings, saying she needed her rest and to recover from the c-section (even though the doctors told her that it was good to move around.) She continued waiting on Judy hand and foot, hovering constantly around her and Mia.

(Although Judy can’t deny how amazing it is to watch Jen with the baby. Obviously she had raised Charlie and Henry but to see it first hand? That was something Judy had never expected, never knew she needed in her life as much as she needed a baby itself.) 

Judy was also surprised at how naturally she herself took to motherhood. She had never felt so in tune to anyone—not even Jen. It’s like she was put on this earth just to be Mia’s mother. She knows every cry, every whimper, every laugh. She knew when Mia was about to start teething, when she was going to roll over. Jen jokes that it’s all of her “witchy woo” senses, but Judy can see how Jen watches the two of them, watches her with the boys, and the boys with Mia—like they’re her whole world. 

(Judy feels the same.) 

She slowly rolls out of the bed, deciding to just go peek in on Jen and Mia herself instead of listening through the monitor—the night is still young. She creeps down the hallway, trying not to make any noise so Jen won’t hear her. She loves to just observe Jen and Mia when Jen doesn’t know she’s watching.

Sure enough, the scene coming from the nursery makes her heart melt.

Jen is sitting in the rocking chair with Mia in her arms, eyes shut and a near empty bottle on the table beside them. After a moment, Judy realizes she’s singing softly.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly…_

Judy can never get enough of these moments—the quiet ones of Jen just letting herself _be_ , not worrying about who might be watching or how she might look. 

(Her having the voice of an angel doesn’t hurt either.)

As she’s watching she gets thrown back into memories of the last four months, of the perfect life she never thought she’d get—or even deserved.

* * *

_4 months ago_

“Judy!” Henry burst into the hospital room, Charlie right behind him. “She’s here? Is she okay? Are you okay? What’s her name?”

“Alright calm down, Boop, let her breathe,” Jen said from her place next to Judy, squished in the bed. Judy was sitting up with the baby in her arms, and had hardly looked away for a moment since the doctor had given the okay to take her out of the incubator for a bit. She just kept telling Jen how beautiful Mia was, _don’t you think Jen? Just shut up and join us on the bed already_. 

“She’s so small,” Henry said as he came closer to the bed, eyes wide in disbelief. 

“Is she okay?” Charlie asked. He came around to the other side of the bed to stand near Jen, looking at the baby with barely concealed worry.

“Yeah, she’s okay, Char.” Jen took his hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly. “She’ll need to stay here for a little bit so they can make sure that she can regulate her own body temperature and start gaining weight, but her lungs are great and she’s already so strong.” She nodded her head at her other hand, where the baby’s hand was gripping tight to her index finger.

“And you’re okay?” Henry looked to Judy.

She nodded, eyes shimmering with joy as they first lifted to look at Henry, and then to Charlie. “I’m perfect,” she said. She shifted her arms so the baby was facing them as much as possible, Jen adding her own arm for some support (regretfully taking her finger back.) 

“Boys, meet your new sister—Mia Ari Harding-Hale.”

“Ari?” Charlie questioned.

“After Abe.” Judy smiled softly, sharing a look with Jen. 

“We were playing around with names, trying to see what fit,” Jen said. “And of _course_ Judy needed something that had meaning.” She rolled her eyes fondly, but couldn’t help smiling at the other woman.

“So Mia means ‘wished for child’,” Judy’s eyes were filling with tears again. “And we thought about Abby for the middle name but… it didn’t really fit. And then your mom-”

Jen rolled her eyes again. “It’s a common thing, just taking letters to make a name.”

“-Your _mom_ ,” Judy continued, undeterred. “Suggested Ari, meaning ‘lion’ in Hebrew. Abe’s last name was Rifkin, so she combined the two. _And_ he was Jewish. Plus, she’s our little fighter and I thought she was going to have the same spirit as your mom. It was very thoughtful of her, don’t let her fool you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jen was blushing at the words, trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal, but Judy could tell that she was still overjoyed with her pick being the middle name. Judy thought that Jen felt the same as her—that it made it feel like the baby really was theirs, _together_. That they were truly equals and co-parents here.

“Hi Mia,” Henry cooed, leaning closer to his new sister and softly taking her hand with his own. “I’m Henry, I’m your big brother. You might remember me talking to you from when you were inside Mama’s belly. And your other big brother Charlie is over there. He pretends to be tough but don’t worry, he’s just like Mom, he’s really soft inside. And your room is all ready for you at home so start gaining weight soon, okay? I love you.”

Judy’s eyes were completely filled with tears by that point, and she could see Jen was much the same. She even caught Charlie’s eye and got a smile out of him. _Her family_. 

\- - -

_2 months ago_

It was a Saturday afternoon where Henry was at Holy Harmonies rehearsal and Jen was forced to go to a work event (“It’s your obligation, Jennifer” Lorna had ordered) so Judy was home alone with Mia and Charlie.

Jen wasn’t happy about leaving her, even though Mia was perfectly healthy now—had been able to go home only a week after her birth. She was still small, but in Judy’s words: _I’m small, Jen. Do you think I can’t thrive?_ To which Jen would always roll her eyes, and then Judy would have to kiss the expression off her face, of course.

And in both of their opinions, Mia was absolutely perfect. 

She was an extremely calm and happy baby ( _“definitely due to your woo-woo energy, Jude”_ ), smiling much like Judy at everyone she saw and even starting to laugh and kick her legs when she got excited. She knew who her moms were and she loved Henry, but much to everyone’s surprise—and Judy and Jen’s joy—she _adored_ Charlie. 

Which is why Judy didn’t feel bad about asking Charlie to watch her for a little bit while she went to take a much needed shower.

“It’ll be 20 minutes at most. She already ate and I changed her like ten minutes ago. All you have to do is sit here and play your games while she gets in some tummy time in front of you,” Judy all but pleaded to the teen. 

Charlie was sat on the couch with some violent game playing on the tv, his signature annoyed expression on his face. However, Judy could spot the smirk underlying the expression and knew that he didn’t really mind.

(Surprisingly, he was just as taken with Mia as she was with him.) 

So he nodded, and Judy set Mia down on her play mat in front of the couch with some rattle toys in front of her before going upstairs to shower. She took her time, trusting in Charlie’s abilities with his sister. 

_Sister._ The thought still made Judy’s heart ache at the thought.

Once she was showered and dressed she started walking downstairs, noticing the quiet first and realizing that Charlie’s game must be paused. She felt a brief moment of panic before remembering that Charlie would have yelled for her if anything was wrong, so she kept walking slowly (and quietly) to the bottom of the steps until she could just see into the living room, immediately feeling herself melt at the sight. 

Charlie was laying on the floor on his side now with his head propped up on his hand, looking down at Mia who was now laying on her back, talking to her softly.

“She’s just so cool, you know? I just feel like I can really be myself around her. Like, sometimes we talk about our dads and I just know that she _gets_ it. And you know, when Mom was having you, she stayed up late to talk with me on the phone and keep me distracted once Henry fell asleep. I think our moms would really like her… but you know how Mom can be.” 

Mia let out a gurgling sound and kicked her feet. Charlie grabbed one and jokingly went to bite it, making her giggle. 

“ _Fine_ , I know she’s just like me. But still. You’re just lucky you get to grow up with both our moms, they’re pretty cool at balancing each other out.”

Judy felt her knees give out at the words, collapsing with this… indescribable emotion.

She knew that Charlie loved her, sure. But unlike Henry, he had only ever referred to her as Judy—at least to her face. 

But this?

She didn’t understand at first, him talking about “Mom” having Mia, but it was clear that he was talking about her, referring to _her_ as—

Her vision blurred and she felt hot tears tracking down her cheeks. She must have made a noise because suddenly he heard Charlie’s voice, much closer than it was a minute previous. 

“Are you okay? What’s wrong? Should I call Mom?” He was standing before her with Mia clutched to his chest, facing outward.

(Just like Judy she had a natural curiosity toward the world—she _always_ had to be facing out.)

She smiled her huge, one dimpled smile as she caught sight of her Mom, reaching out her arms for Judy who naturally reached her own out in response, transferring her easily from Charlie’s arms.

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay,” Judy sniffled. She stood up on slightly shaky legs, getting emotional all over again at the way Charlie reached out to help her up. She looked up at him, and used her free hand to cup his cheek, uncaring about the tears she could still feel spilling lightly. “I love you, you know?”

Charlie broke eye contact and smiled awkwardly, shuffling his feet before looking back up at her. “Yeah I— loveyoutoo” he mumbled quickly. “I gotta go finish my game.” He walked quickly back into the living room, leaving Judy alone with Mia who was currently distracted by Judy’s necklace. 

“You hear that, Baby Girl? He loves us.” 

Judy beamed to herself before continuing down the stairs, going to start on dinner for when Jen got home. 

She couldn’t wait to tell her about this. 

\- - -

_1 month ago_

“Okay, but are you sure about this?”

Jen huffed from her place atop Judy, face previously buried in the other woman’s neck. 

“You really want to talk about this right now?” She thrust her hips lightly into Judy’s for emphasis. 

“No,” Judy said, too fucking cutely for the moment, as she put her hand on the back of Jen’s head, guiding her back to her chest. 

Jen took the hint, taking a nipple in her mouth as her hand trailed down Judy’s stomach. 

“But are you _really_ sure?” Judy asked again after a moment.

“Oh my God,” Jen groaned, rolling off Judy and flopping onto her back with an annoyed (but still fond, Judy could tell) laugh. She put her hands over her face as she laughed softly to herself, before finally taking them away and turning on her side to face Judy, taking one of Judy’s hands in her own and resting them on the other woman’s stomach. “ _Yes_ , I’m sure.”

“But—“

“Don’t you consider the boys your own?”

“Of course I do Jen! How can you even ask—“

“And you know that I consider Mia my own.”

“Of _course_ ,” Judy repeated. “You’re such a good mom to her.” Seriously, how could Jen even think otherwise? 

“So why would I not want to make it official?”

“Well adoption is legally binding and I don’t want you to—“

“Judy.” Jen sat up, pulling Judy with her until she was cradled in her lap. “I _want_ it to be binding. I want this, _us_ , forever. Mia is our daughter—I would love for it to say it on paper as well.” 

The words took Judy’s breath away. She knew that Jen had said as much before, had obviously agreed to adopting Mia, but Judy couldn’t help but think it was just for convenience, for legal reasons. Why would it be just for love, no conditions? 

But somehow it was. 

Unconditional love. 

Something Judy never thought she would find, something she never thought she deserved. All because of Jen, because of the family she found. 

“Okay,” She finally answered, putting her hands over Jen’s to wrap Jen’s arms tighter around her body. 

“I did have something to ask you, though.” Jen’s voice broke the silence after a few moments. “I told the boys, well, Henry, that we could do it together but… we want you to do the same.”

 _What?_ She couldn’t possibly mean-

“I— _we_ —want you to adopt the boys. To make it official for all of us.”

“Jen…” Judy felt like all she did half the time was cry now. Tears of joy, always, but she couldn’t help the waterworks at almost everything.

(And of course Jen made fun of her while also constantly kissing her tears away to make her smile.) 

“It’s not fair if we’re both legally Mia’s mothers but you don’t have a claim to the boys. They’re just as much yours as they are mine. I mean Henry is _so_ fucking your child it’s frankly ridiculous, and we all know Charlie loves you too.” She brought a hand up to Judy’s chin, turning her head slightly so they could look into each other’s eyes.

She was wearing Judy’s favorite expression of hers—her just-for-Judy smile—eyes lit up and clear of worry, the crows feet that she hated but Judy loved present in the soft smile.

“ _Yes_ , Jen, of course I want to adopt them too. I love them, I love you-“ She interrupted herself to surge up and kiss Jen, lips separating with the grins adorning both of their faces. “And you’re sure it’s what they want? They don’t think I’m replacing—“

“Shut _up_ Judy,” Jen shut her up herself, drawing her back into a kiss. “We all love you and we’re a family so _please_ can I just fuck you now?”

She climbed back on top of Judy and fastened her lips to Judy’s neck, drawing out a soft moan.

“Well, if you insist…”

* * *

Judy’s brought back to the present as she realizes that Jen is calling her name, softly. 

“Hey, I thought you were asleep.”

Judy walks into the room and sinks into the rocker beside Jen, resting her head on the other woman’s shoulder, staring down at their sleeping daughter in Jen’s arms.

(And forever thankful that Jen chose to get the double wide chair—letting them have regular moments like this.)

“I woke up and you weren’t there,” Judy whispers into Jen’s shoulder.

She feels a kiss on the side of her head. “I wasn’t asleep yet and I heard her fidgeting. I got up before she got loud enough to wake you up. I only gave her an ounce.”

Judy smirks. “You spoil her.”

“It was just an ounce!”

“Well don’t blame me when she turns nocturnal like you. She’ll be sitting with you on the outdoor couch with a glass of apple juice next to your wine at the ripe old age of 5.”

“Grape juice, my daughter is classy.”

“Oh _your_ daughter?”

“Well if she’s keeping me company late at night for drinks and tv, sure.”

Judy snorts, and then holds her breath in a brief panic as the noise makes Mia stir.

“Shh!” Jen pokes her side. 

“Well don’t make me laugh!”

“You started it—"

Mia stirs again, mouth opening in a wide yawn before her eyes crack open in annoyance, her face somehow a perfect replica of Jen’s own annoyed face.

(Her eyes, which are an absolute mix of blue-green, much to Judy’s constant delight—she knew Jen's own green color would sneak in there.)

They both hold still, and Judy can feel that Jen isn’t breathing either as they wait to see what Mia does. She eyes them for another second before her lashes flutter shut and she shifts a bit in Jen’s arms, falling back asleep. Judy sits up and points to the crib with her eyebrows raised. Jen nods and stands up slowly, before gingerly placing Mia into her crib, trailing her hand along Mia’s cheek. 

Judy walks over to the crib as well, putting her arms around Jen’s middle as she molds herself to Jen’s back and rests her head on Jen’s shoulder. 

“You know, this three child mothering team thing really worked out, huh?”

Jen snorts and puts her hands over Judy’s own, leaning back into the other woman.

“Yeah Jude, I really think it did.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there you have it!! let me know how you enjoyed this beyond cheesy ending :)
> 
> (and i could potentially be persuaded to write lil oneshots in the future with mia as some people have asked, if anyone ever has any prompts my twitter is @lovemcgrath k thx bye)


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